What's The Point?

     There is no point.  Not really.  None at all.
     Anyway, I dragged myself to yoga class.  I have a swell teacher on Friday.  She is very athletic.  She is a very positive person, and only wants to hear positive things.  She is a lovely person. 
     I'm not crazy about her class, though.  It is very difficult.  It is a hatha flow class.
     I'm 43, and it is a little fast-paced for me.  It doesn't give me time to get my muscles warmed up, but then they do get warmed up, and I am fine.
     Well, there are a lot of cute girls in the class.  Let's just say it gets very cheeky in there.
     If it was up to me, I'd just sit in there and draw all the poses.
     I've studied with this teacher for over two years.  She is very attractive and beautiful.
     She just got married recently.
     She is studying writing, and I'd love to read what she writes. 
     So this teacher does her thing, and I'm lucky to have such a good teacher.
     Instead of languishing around all day, I feel all energized. 
     My calves feel a tingle.
     Nope, it was not easy today. 
     I actually quit her class in December, but then she was so nice to me in the hall that I decided to go back.
     I don't know if anybody cares if I am there or not.
     I'm just an aging dude in there, and I don't really belong.  There's a couple of guys older than me in there.  It feels weird with all the  young girls.  Many are in their twenties.  From my point of view, it is fine with me.  Younger woman, older guy works out just fine.  I don't think any of them would go out with me.  I have a degenerate life-style with my chain-smoking and drinking anyhow.
     Even with all the yoga, I just don't feel like being the yoga guy.  I'd rather just do my art thing.  I just do the yoga so I don't keel over and die before my work is done.
     I would like to draw all those yoga girls, though.  They are so damn cute.  I often try and draw them from memory, but it doesn't work too good.
     I also try not to stare too much at their butts, but sometimes I can't help it if a girl is particularly cheeky, or the light is hitting them in a certain way.  Sometimes the reflection in the mirror shows them off pretty good.
     All in all, it's just an exercise class, and it is hard, and fun, and I feel better after it is all done.

     Well, I could talk about the locker room.  More naked guys today with everything hanging out.  To me, it is a little unclassy to just walk into the steam room fully nude, with no attempt to cover up.  Who wants to see it?  Not me.  The nudity doesn't bother me as much as 'okay, here is a guy who wants complete strangers to see his dick and ass'.  Okay, maybe it is fun for him.  Maybe it is a little too much fun for him.  I have seen men with 'half-mast' in there.  Thankfully, not often.  I did hear a story where a guy was jacking off in there, and other people were watching, but there is a sign that clearly states that no sexual activity is allowed.  If anyone does that stuff, they will have their membership denied.  But I get the feeling in the locker room that there are those who want to have a naked parade and do stuff.  Maybe they should take it to a gay bath house.  The YMCA is a Christian organization supposedly.  Anyway, I see some well-hung cocks in there, and yeah, I wish people would make use of their towel to cover up when walking around.  Sometimes it is okay, but there are guys in there where being naked in the locker room is their favorite aspect of going to the gym.  Then there are the guys who look and watch every guy who goes in and out of the shower.  I often feel eyes on me, and I see guys checking other guys out.  Ugh.  Then there are the guys who are in the shower, and they check out the guys in there.
     There are two sides of showers.  The back shower area I consider the gay side, and the first area is the hetero side.  I just shower where there are less dudes.  I just want to take a shower, not check out other guys.  Male nudity bores me.  Francis Bacon and David Hockney would have a field day in this gym I suppose.

     Anyway, so the girls at the YMCA are pretty damn cute.  I haven't befriended hardly anyone there.  No one seems interested in me, so I try not to bother anybody.  They seem to like it that way.  It's been my experience that if a girl really wants to talk to me, date me, or hang out, that she will find a way to communicate that.  There is no point on going out on a limb for a girl who doesn't want your attention.

     You can't date anyone at school, at work, at church, at the gym, or anywhere.  Not at the bar, either, unless you are with friends.  Well, that is why I am alone, and plus, I mostly want to be alone.

     I don't even know what I am doing, I am just trying to get ready for an art show.

     I would love to do a yoga studio painting.  I would like to do a big painting of that, but some of the people would be nude, and some would be clothed.  That would be a fun painting to make.  I don't know if my yoga teachers would like that, or maybe they would?  I have no idea.
     I wish I could just go in there and shoot some video, take some pictures, and do my practice.  That would be fun. 
     I just want one picture of thirty girls in downward dog, haha.

     So, I have made seventy-five cents on this blog so far.  That isn't very good at all.

     I would like to write all the stuff about my family, but they wouldn't like that much.  I have no outlet to express how I feel about them.  I can't talk to them about anything except the surface stuff.  They all have their own problems, anyhow. 
     I don't know what I think about them anymore.  They are just fine.  Everyone needs money, though.  Hell, I need money, so I am going to have to try and figure that one out.
     All I can hope for is some sales of my art.  That would be nice.  I don't think a lot of people have money for art, but many do in this city.  I guess I have to cater to people who can afford my art.  Who cares about poor people?  They can't do anything for me.  If a hot chick wanted a piece of art, I would not mind negotiating with her, it depends on the art piece she wants, and what she is willing to do for it.  Max Ernst traded sex for art on at least one occasion, haha.

     I've been watching a lot of Howard Stern.  I found his unaired Fox show on youtube, and now I am watching his Channel 9 show which I have never really seen, so with at least 69 shows to watch, I have a lot of good viewing ahead of me.  Fun, fun, fun.  Nice to walk down the memory lane of the 90's.  I was in school, I missed out on a lot.

     Anyway, I'm going to try and get some painting done today.  It is cold today, I'm still wearing my jacket.

     Let's see, what else is there?  I'm still thinking about yoga girl butt cheeks, actually.  I'd like to get my hands on some of those.

     At a certain point, you just don't care anymore what other people think of you.  What does it matter anyhow?  What am I going to do, live a lie, and not write about what I think?  What would be the point of that? 
     Okay, I want to fuck at least half the girls in the yoga program.  They are all so damn cute.  Even some of the ones who aren't your typical idea of beauty.  I just want to experience it all in this world.
     There is nothing after this life.  You just die.
     Adam and Eve is just a made-up story.  What a joke.  I don't even know if Adam and Eve were the first Jews, much less the first humans.  I don't even know if there actually was an Adam and Eve.  Maybe there was.  The account of their life in The Bible is missing a lot of info.
     It is silly that people take The Bible literally as a history.  As a word of god, well, there are lots of words missing.
     There are lots of good things about The Bible, but for the most part, fuck that book.  I read Chapter 1 out loud, and it felt as if it was written for a ten year old.
     Anyway, there is my rant for the day.  Maybe this entry will get me some hits, maybe not.  I can't expect much from this blog.  I get a lot more hits from youtube.  The blog is a lot harder to build up than my youtube channel.
     I wonder what my fellow yoga students would say if they knew I wanted to fuck some of them?  They would probably be repulsed.
     I just have a hard time getting into that whole yoga tree-hugging touchy feely positive good vibe thing, which is nice and fine.  I don't really feel increased spirituality after two years of yoga.  I feel more humanism, though, and that is good.
     I was jaded and cynical going into the program, so that is how I still am mostly.
     Plus, artists are rare at the Y.  Most of the people really do go there to work out, and I don't care about that all that much.
     I just want to have a good time.