Life Blood

Oh, I get it now.
10% nationwide unemployment.
Computer technology soaring.
They have BlogTV now. Ok.
YouTube. Facebook.
Etsy.
Sites to promote what you do.
The growing economy of the web.
Everyone trying to get a little bit more money on the side.
It's never enough for anyone now. Always something to be desired.
Keeping them hungry theory, ok, I get it.
Let's see what people will do.
All the tools are given.
People have to create their own worth.
They can study us.
We are monkeys.
In a way, we are in a zoo.
The smart people look at what we do on the computer, how we spend our time, what sites we look at. Helps them with research and marketing. Much more effective than Nielsen ratings. It's getting a lot more specific. They want to tap into what people want. They want to predict what people will want.
It's all business.
Well, if people don't have jobs, they can't buy stuff that companies make, so I don't know how they figured that one out.
People are their own best resource. You can't depend on anyone.
I am participating in this vast new experiment. Hey, they have all my test scores from school, along with every other person's scores in this country.
They've been monitoring us our whole lives, on kind of periphial level. We are always in the corner of their eyes.
It's not Big Brother. That is a little too obvious. Better to be subtle about it.
They've gotten good at this stuff. I'm impressed. The best minds have gotten together, and have created this. I see now that it is similar to an online game. People create the game, the characters, the levels, the progression system, and, most of the people are the players. This should be no surprise to anybody. It's been going on for a thousand years and more with people in power, creating systems for the little people. They have discussed methods of controlling the public for hundreds of years.
World's note to self: Don't tell them to eat cake if they have no bread.

Gaea, Mother Earth, she gets pissed sometimes.

I watched a lot of people get swept up in that 'change' thing. A very successful campaign. Most people in public office in the high levels, they are all part of the same club, that should be no surprise to anyone.

I'm listening to the band next door not play music. They aren't very good. They all have day jobs, and they should keep them.
I can imagine them saying, "Maybe if we practice enough, we can someday play The SuperBowl, just like 'The Who'.

South Park continues to nail every topic they address. I love Matt Stone and Trey Parker. They've done well.

Takes a while to learn how to think, I'm still working on it, takes time.

You grow up watching television, and getting bored in school, and then...not much happens.
I was making comic book pages in 4th grade, no one noticed. I kept doing them for my own enjoyment mostly, my siblings were my best audience.

I had no musical talent. I didn't like to practice when it came down to it. Didn't see the point. I wanted to go outside and play. I didn't know you could just take an instrument outside to a secret place and play. Didn't occur to me. Hard to concentrate in my house, didn't want to be there much. It wasn't very peaceful. I wouldn't exactly call it a sanctuary with all the kids crying.

I'm very happy about the Star Trek video phone webcam. It works good. I'm impressed.

Happy Saturday

I guess it is happy. I feel good, that is something.
Just playing EverQuest, drinking coffee, smoking self-rolled cigs, and having a pleasant time in my studio.
I am still thinking about D & D Online with my brother last night. We both like that game. It's right up our alleys. We had a good time fighting acolytes and fish people who were trying to take over the City of Canuth through infiltration. The fish people, we imagined, represented people working in the tax or accounting industry, so we had a good time killing them.
I had a nice time in yoga class. This teacher is a little new agey for my tastes, but she is getting better. I don't agree with her about some stuff, but she will get better as a teacher with age and experience. She is a nice enough person. The actual physicality of the poses and actions we did were good. I just don't need it dressed up too much with her philosophy about things. She did announce her relationship status, and I didn't care if she did that or not. I guess she had to announce it to the whole class. I guess girls like to do that kind of thing, and then talk about her boyfriend for a little bit.

Anyway, I am continuing with the painting today, and I will post some new videos, and see what happens.
I know how to get a hit with a video. Just pick a song, and put good photos of the band with it. People like that. So it is no mystery how to get hits on youtube. My idea is to get people to watch some of the other stuff on my channel that they wouldn't normally watch, stuff about art. That's the challenge. Getting there, little by little. It takes time, like everything.

I should call my friend today. Haven't talked to him in a while. He's the one that came up with the 'Use Birth Control' t-shirt. Maybe I should make a video of that.

Blogger is very useful to me. There isn't enough room on Facebook to put all my stuff. I'm already flooding thing, mostly to no effect whatsoever. That is typical and normal for me. I've never generated much response to anything I've done in my life. Let's just say I've had mixed results. Takes a while to think through a life.

My right arm hurts a little from using the computer too much. Yoga is helpful there. I've done everything right ergonomically, but just the repetition of the movements, no matter where you set it up eventually get to you. I need a table where you can change the level of the desk constantly, sometimes so you can even stand at it. Maybe that is the way of the future. A lot of people get problems in their hands and arms with computers. I could never get a job doing computers all day. I'd get carpal tunnel syndrome inside of six months. Keyboards ought to be angled more like a regular typewriter. I can type on that thing for hours, np.

I talked to my sister, she's doing good.

I have other phone calls to make today.

I'm getting hungry for homemade vegetable soup, that sounds good. I think they have a special on mushrooms next door, have to check it out.

Life is good, getting better, still looking for work, something I can do that won't make me want to snuff it.

The painting and the video making will continue today, and we'll see what happens.

Artist's Depression

Nothing going on in my life. Suffering from Artist's Depression, or it could just be 'David Depression', or 'Family Depression'. Hard to tell sometimes.

I took a high energy yoga class today, too. I just wasn't into it much. Didn't feel like it.

I just took a little nap, while listening to a Biology lecture. That was nice.

I attempted a blog before the nap, but didn't want to burden anybody reading the blog with my depression thoughts.

I ate keische today. I don't know how to spell it. I just tried to find it in the dictionary. No luck.

I am starting to feel better after painting a little.

My brother was a little down yesterday, so I cheered him up, but I feel blue today. No explanation for this. Could be for feeling this way today is I've been coasting on savings for some time, and I have to gear up to make some money. Then it is a battle with self-esteem issues, and trying to feel good about yourself, and just hoping that someone responds to my artwork, or what I do on Facebook, and youtube, it makes me feel good. Any kind of reaction, even if they hate my stuff, that would be better than the constant apathy towards me and my work. Maybe it's my own damn fault for being too much of a dick all the time to people. I can't explain how I am or how I act or behave sometimes. I often feel like I'm the musical equivalent of a hurdy-gurdy box. Maybe I should learn to play something. It can't be that hard, with practice.

A musical instrument might make me happy, who knows? I have plenty of guitars around here, don't know what my problem is. I just feel happy with the painting.

My body needs liquid. I feel like eating a salad, or some fruits and vegetables.

I want to watch cartoons, but I am happy learning about algae from the biology lecture.

No one to talk to right now. Have to wait for people to get home from school or work. Most people don't get to do what they want every day, all day long. I'd like to keep doing this, but I guess I could use some funding.

I have to try something to keep this all going.

I'll feel better in a little while. Just happens sometimes. We'll see how it goes.

Everyone gets the blues sometimes. It's a part of life. The challenge is to pull yourself out of it a.s.a.p. and to fight it.

Beam Me Up From This Planet

Just posted my 300th video on youtube. That was fun. I feel a sense of accomplishment.
I like the number 300.
The movie was good.
I haven't read the comic book yet. I want to. I'm a fan of Frank Miller.
If people type in '300' to see video clips of the movie, maybe my video will pop up once in a while, haha.

I have nothing going on in my life. That's funny. I typed into Facebook that I 'am not in a relationship'. I always think it is funny whenever somebody, usually some girl, announces that she is in a relationship. As if anybody really cares, but it does declare, "don't even think about it, mister," and to the girls, "I'm in a relationship, and you're not."

I actually am in a relationship, with myself. I have my art, my video games and activities, more than enough to keep me busy, and I don't have time for a relationship anyhow. I can barely take care of myself, much less some girl.

I've got my family to take care of, and to keep encouraged. That ain't easy. They are good people, I like them.
Things are getting better, takes time, like everything.
Not easy to get over the trauma of growing up.

Scummy The ShadowKnight is level 25. He has a way to go until the next level.
I like EverQuest, because it is a low maintenance game. You can just have the game on, and have your character sit there and do nothing while you do what you want around the room, and then come back and kill a zombie or skeleton.

A huge success with the webcam I bought. I love it. Works great. Woot. I'm always happy when something works on the computer. Nothing sucks more when you buy an item for the computer and ....it doesn't work. Then you have to go through a whole troubleshooting series of steps, and it's a pain in the ass.

I haven't sought out anybody else's blogs. I guess I should look at what other people are doing, but I'd probably find a blog about some girl who lives with her two cats, I've seen those.

I don't know what I'm doing.

Who cares?

It's kind of nice to be writing a blog that no one will read. It means I can write whatever I want and I don't have to cater to anyone. Can't stand that.

I like Michael Moore, but I can't stand Bill O'Reilly. Kathy Lee Gifford is like nails on a chalkboard, I can't stand her whole thing. She's like a grown up high school girl to me. I'll be happy to see her grow old, and eventually become a prune face.

I had fun on the video phone with my brother. We have fun hanging out. I like his companionship and friendship. He's a caring guy.

I've been thinking a lot about Alannis Morrisette's comment about how everybody is where they are supposed to be. I'm not sure if I buy that, sounds like a pretty good idea. After seeing one of her latest videos, I wasn't sure if she was where she was supposed to be.
I still like Alannis, though, for the most part. The world is better for her being in it.

Artie Lang. I didn't know that he tried to stab himself. His life is out of control. I'm surprised he's still alive. He's moderately funny, but not especially so.

I know what Howard was trying to say when he got behind Conan O'Brien as if he was the pitcher and Conan was the catcher. Howard wanted to establish that he was the top of the pecking order in a bad joke. Conan is sweet, he went along with it. Howard himself isn't a great guest on other people's shows, he's kind of a pain to everyone who interviews him. Howard is best on his own show, with Robyn and others to restrain him a little. I love Howard, but he can be a dick sometimes, haha.

Anyway, I like this planet just fine. I hope people in power figure out asap that war is not good. Also, I hope that I can find a way to support myself. Hey, it's America, a guy like me should be able to find a job, right? Right? So far, the whole thing is a joke. Regardless, bitch needs to make some money.

Laterz, to my invisible audience.

thursday morning.

Hello. Good morning, though saying that seems a little odd. It actually is a good morning, but doesn't especially feel like one. But I don't see how it isn't a good morning, so it must be a good morning.

Anyway, I had success with my Microsoft LifeCam VX-6000. With every computer thing I buy, I usually come to the point where I say, "IT DOESN'T WORK!" Then it eventually does.
It's always a stupid thing or two. Ok, installed the disc, plugged in the camera when prompted into a USB port.
Then the stupid part. Oh, I finally figured out there is a plastic covering on the lens that I have to pull off. Oh, duh.
Then it was blurry, and I was able to call my brother Matt, and then it was, "Oh, duh, it won't focus, oh duh, turn the lens focus on the actual camera. I didn't see that mentioned in the manual. Stupid people like me with computer stuff needs every thing spelled out. Then I didn't want to break the camera turning the lens, it kind of got stuck and wouldn't focus, but it had to be The Only Way to make it work, I went through the settings....My brother actually suggested turning the actual camera lens, I wouldn't have figured it out without him, he's a great help. But after that, it finally worked.
I was able to use the settings, and make all the features work, and it was a lot of fun.
I paid $61. I could have bought another one for $30, but to have a 3x lens, to get a camera especially made for Windows Live Messenger was a plus and a draw to buy this product. Right away I was able to do fun little visual tricks, and it made the video call really fun, which is what I wanted.
I wanted something that would propel me into the future with some fun computer stuff. I'm an artist, and I want the best technology I can get which will help my art, and presentation of myself. I am dependent on this stuff now to help get my art out there.
So there you go, there's that.

My phone calls with my two brothers ended up being really fun, and we talked for a long time. I was able to do puppet shows for one brother, and then once I figured out the computer effects, I was able to use those in that phone call.
Kuleness.

Permanent Vacation

I might as well use the high-lighted green keyword of 'vacation' for this blog, since I am on a permanent vacation anyways.

Same shit, different day. Though I was at the coffee shop drawing portions of the female anatomy, then I was outside having a cigarette, and the girl that was in the cafe on her laptop was bending over and showing me her cute little caboose, pointing right at me. I wanted to grab her by the haunches and give her some good ones. That's what goes through my mind, I don't apologize for being a hetero.

My coffee was good, one cup was enough today.

I'm on a permanent vacation. I don't work, except on my art. Now to get paid would be nice. I don't know how to go about doing that. Otherwise it looks like I'll be working at the ball park as a vendor again. At least I have that option. Better than nothing.

I keep having thoughts about my oldest brother, it fills my mind with stupid crap. I don't know why I bother, it drives me insane thinking about him, because what he says makes no sense. Parts do, but not his entire routine. I have to take into account that he claims to have seen God, Jesus, and even The Holy Ghost. Other people he has seen, he claims, as if they were real, are Moses, Joseph Smith, and it goes on. I don't know why he even bothers to tell me this stuff. It just makes him look like a lunatic in my eyes.

Meanwhile, my two other brothers called me using their webcams. I'm going to buy one today so they can see me. That will be fun.

Time for yoga class, I guess I can't get enough, and it makes me feel good for the rest of the day.

Good Morning

It's Tuesday. I had a good coffee and writing session. I'm awake now, more or less. I go to yoga class in twenty minutes. That will be fun, and will further wake me up, and feel alive.

I made a video of my Popeye painting, and posted it. Took me all of ten minutes to do that. It went on too long, was hoping to do it all within twenty seconds, it took thirty. The words didn't come easily, but I like doing things in one take, and just being done with it.

I've been laughing to myself about business, and what I could have as a home service on Facebook, that I could go over to people's houses and draw them, clothed or naked, whatever they want. I'm no stranger to drawing naked bodies, I took life drawing for twenty years. The customer could kind of act as an art director, and they could have me draw them in the exact pose that they want. That might be fun.
Or maybe I could give art lessons, or tutor English or something. Gotta be something I could do for fun or profit, something that isn't a complete waste of time for me, which most jobs are.

I'm in a good mood. I feel good. That is something.

I like this period of time in my blog, just like I have with other sites that I start up. I just kind of wait and see what happens.

I'm forty-two hits away from 123,000 hits on youtube. I always like it when it crosses over another thousand hit mark.

I watched my 'Fat-Lipped Hog' video. I haven't seen that in a long time, haha. I sound like I'm being really sarcastic towards my source material for that line of dialogue.
You see, my oldest brother used to call me a 'fat-lipped hog' mercilessly, and it made me feel bad about myself, and I would cry. Then he just turned out to be a bastard anyway, and he's really overweight, so now I'm laughing, thirty-five years later.
I don't care if he reads this blog. It is unlikely that he will, he doesn't pay much attention to what I do, and never did.

He's not a bad guy in some people's eyes, I don't know what people think. All I know is that I use my art and writing to get whatever I need to get out of my system, so I can move on with my life. I don't like to live in the past, it is too painful. No point in it, besides.

I might have a reader or two on this blog, hard to tell. I would be curious to know who would read such a blog, haha. It's just a bunch of shit that naturally comes out of my mind.

The keyboard I type on is really cute. It's a little plug and play USB keyboard. I can really crank out the words on it, and my arms hang naturally. It's the best thing for blogging, to have your hands and arms feel really comfortable. I'm inclined to sit up straight when I blog, that is unusual for my computer habits. When I doing an online game, I get into slacker mode, unless I'm being attacked, which is often, haha.

I've been thinking about the line, "Laugh, and the world will laugh with you." I want to laugh and have the world laugh with me. That sounds much better than crying alone with your vodka, and having your tears drip down into the glass.

Also funny with the typing, that the words pour out, but my speech dialogue isn't wired too good. I didn't talk much as a kid. I had things to say, but not many listeners. It was just better to shut up most of the time.

Anyway, life is good, because I get to do what I want. But, I have to pay rent, I got bills, and I am going to have to rejoin the work force in some capacity. I got a good start with all my videos and computer activities, maybe something will happen, you never know. Nothing will happen if I do nothing, that is for sure, without a doubt. If I do something, at least there is a 0.0001% chance of something happening.

I figure I'll edit my blogs later, too hard to edit when I first write them, unless there is an obvious spelling or usage error.

Damn, gotta go, I'm late, but that was fun.