So, I got problems, and I must confront my greatest fears.
Damn, that is a lot to deal with.
I don't even have a picture that describes how I feel right now.
Here is a picture. This will do for now. :)
Dang, there is something I should have done a couple of weeks ago, and I missed my opportunity to do it today because I was watching South Park, and wasn't mentally prepared to do it, even though I had the time to do it. What I had to do, I had to be in the right frame of mind for, some unpleasant business thing. But now my mind is prepared for it. I'll do it tomorrow, and try and be free today, and relax about it. But I can't exactly, and I just want to lay down and take a nap. But I have things to do.
I want to drink a beer, but not really. The idea just sounds good, but it really isn't that good of an idea. I have class later on.
No need to go to yoga class with alcohol on my breath, haha.
I get confused by shit. Family shit. What it amounts to is it gives me a real good reason to do some science fiction stuff which is completely made-up, and to not base things on anybody that is real or dead. They don't like being talked about, and why should they? Some people are fascinated by my family, though, I know I am. It's all fucked up a little, but it is getting funnier. It sucks when the others bring me down, and it must suck when I bring them down. I'll try not to do that. It is important to have a sense of humor about things.
I'll have to come up with some original content. Not easy to do. Takes time. I want to own what I do.
Viacom owns South Park. At least Trey and Matt get to do what they want, but they are under contract. I like that they have lawyers they can ask what is and isn't legal for them to do on the show. They know what lines they can cross, and what they can't. They would get dirtier and nastier and more graphic if they could, I think. They inch their way towards it all the time.
They did cross a line with episodes '200' and '201'. Some people didn't find those episodes funny, though most did in fact love those ones. The point is that they are still not available to watch, and that sucks.
Well, I don't have a job still, and that sucks. I wonder what I am going to do? Jobs are a waste of time for me. Just doing the mindless crap that others don't want to do. I spent a lot of years doing brain-dead shit, and I don't know what the point of it all was except to financially scrape by.
I am a product, and I am capable of doing a job. I just have to find something that I am suitable for. Things have changed. I'm older.
I spent four years washing dishes in a cafe. That was dumb in retrospect, but I didn't know what else to do. I met a lot of nice people, though, so that was cool.
The banks are getting bigger and more powerful, like a Godzilla.
Individuality is being reduced to rubble.
What is it all for? Greed. Human beings can be something else than what corporations want us to be. However, we are all pawns in someone else's game plan. It will always be that way. The over-riding thread is to conform, or they will make you conform. They wear you down eventually, gradually. Water and wind erodes you little by little, until you have nothing left.
For someone like me, I have to prove my worth in some other way. I have to show that I have value, that I am worthwhile to someone else. That I am capable of providing a service that contributes to the over-all well-being. That I can pay taxes to the powers that be. That I can be assimilated.
The struggle has been to define myself, and not be defined by others. It's called taking a stand. The family defines you, and keeps you there. But I rebelled. I don't care. I played their game, and then there is nothing left for me. That is no fun.
So now what? I don't know. Do some painting, I suppose.
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