The Yellow Jar of Paint

All I bought today was a yellow jar of paint. This is all I bought at the art store. I made other purchases today, but the yellow jar of paint is the only item I bought today of significance.
Yellow is the color of insanity.
Of madness.

It took me a while to go through the red and green jars. Took me a couple of weeks. Many things in my studio were starting to look very Christmas-y.

I only bought the one jar, because, well, that's all I needed.

I haven't had a good jar of yellow for a while. Normally, I have red, yellow, blue, white, black, and maybe one other. I keep that rotation of colors going. Paint is getting expensive. It's all a farce. But today, I only needed the one color.

This piece is already out of control.

Hard to think with the band next door, a constant theme. They make jokes, too. I don't like their music, and I don't laugh at their jokes. They, on the other hand, think they are good musicians, and they think they are funny.

Damn them.

Had to pick up yet another piece of gum off of the stairs. A young drummer seems to be the culprit. He seems to enjoy putting gum on the stairs. Maybe it is a side-effect of not being a good drummer. He has to do something else to complete the circle of annoyance. It starts with his inadequate drumming, and finishes with gum on the stairs. What a bastard.

Anyway, the band has succeeded in distracting me from my writing once again. Thanks, guys.
The singer's voice is really thin. He's white. Seems like he decided god had called on him to be a singer one or two years ago.
He must not have done very well in high school English. His lyrics are lame.

Anyway, I'm suffering.

All I want to talk about is the jar of yellow paint. Where was I? Damn, hard to think this through. Can I start over? Damn.

The jar of paint is on my table, my art table, where I do all my painting.

'The Yellow Wallpaper'. Remember that story? I can't remember who wrote it. Some woman. I'll have to look it up. Not a bad story, about a woman who was confined by a man, and when she was sick, all she had to look at was the pattern of the yellow wallpaper. Kind of like a psychological Poe story in nature. Not one of my favorite stories, but I remembered it for a long time. Was it written well? Was it written to anyone who would care? Did it bore or exasperate the reader? Was the story about the author?

So many issues, hard to identify with the author.

So many issues. I don't want my stories to be crazy. The stories that I read by supposedly good authors, worthy of being in an English book. What do I know? I'm just goofing now.

Hard to write with souls next door to me with only a foot thick wall separating us.

All I know is I've done everything wrong. Lucky I'm still alive. I'm glad I'm alive.

Who cares about what I do? Not me. I mean, really? I don't know what I mean.

I'm just writing off the top of my head, but trying to get somewhere. To where, I don't know.

Good answer. No, it isn't.

Damn.

Could it be that I am completely insane? I've been considering the issue.

There's lots of things I want to write about this yellow jar of paint. I don't think I can do it tonight. I think I'll have to look at this piece some other time, and collect my thoughts about it. I can usually write in the coffee shop, unless there is something distracting me there, too. That has happened in the last couple of days. People get on their cell phones, and turn it into a performance for the whole cafe. How tedious.

Geez, I don't even know what the date is.

The band stopped playing, I can hear myself think a little. That's nice.
We saw 'Kreator' last night, some metal band. Genre music. The three bands we saw, sounded pretty much the same, all variations of Slayer, except that Slayer is better.
Even so, right away, the drumming is so superior with the bands I saw, that the guys I have to listen to ought to take drum lessons. In comparison, they are like children compared to real drummers.
If you don't have a good drummer in your band, there almost isn't even a point.
Anyway, it is nice and quiet now.
What sucks is often the band will rehearse during prime time, the time when people are home from work. Hard to make phone calls when loud, crappy music is going.
Anyway, I got to listen to a lot of Howard today, which really made me laugh with some great Sal and Richard Prank calls.
I got to listen to some Rodney Dangerfield, too. Love his stuff, it's so good. Everyone loved Rodney. His role in 'Natural Born Killers' was a stand-out. I just wanted to see that scene go on and on.
Anyway, the yoga continues.
Hard not to get down about nothing happening in my life. Things take a while on the web to happen. I am under the illusion that people actually watch my stuff, when in fact, they don't. I get hits, but mostly it is because of some video I made of someone's music, and people watch that, because they like the band.
To get people to watch my stuff, well, that ain't easy.
Got to think of something.
It's better not to care, which is how I usually operate, and just make stuff, but sometimes you do want a little give-back.
Something about the energy I put out, puts people off. Hard to know what is going on with me, I've tried to figure it out. A lot of it is just reaching out to people, and making a connection. I'm not too good at that, and I know you have to do that.
I wonder what will happen next.
I just want to lay down.
I am really enjoying the silence of this moment.
The Kreator show was alright. I couldn't wait to leave. All I do at concerts is just stand there. I like watching videos of a band. Just the same as going to a show for me, except that you can adjust the volume.
Just because a band is loud doesn't impress me, there has to be more than that.
Volume that loud can't be good for a person. It's not even about enjoying the music, it's so loud, you can't hear it.
One guy got so drunk or fucked up, he was collapsing to the ground, and two security guys lifted him out of there.
I had one drink, and that was it, all I needed.
Not much that thrilled me about the show. My friend likes that kind of music. I like it enough where we can go and experience it for fun, but I wouldn't go to one of these shows on my own.
All I want to do is read a book.
I just want to lay down, too. I've been doing stuff all day.

I don't know what I'm doing with this blog, does it show.

I don't care, I don't have the energy to care, it's just a blog.
For me, it's just a public record that will remain online. It shows that I was home doing something, instead of dicking around.
That's part of what all the online stuff is. They can keep track of you.

I seem to have gotten off the track of my life. I don't know where it will go now, that's kind of exciting.
I am a little disillusioned with the art world.

Gotta be a way to live somehow.

Can't Hear Myself Think

I haven't blogged for days. Didn't have anything to say. Actually, I did, but I was doing other things on the computer. Had some connection problems, and I just didn't get around to blogging, but I'll do my best to remember what the hell I was going to say.
Right now, I'm listening to a guitar player practice. Is he making music? Well, he's making a lot of noise. Big fucking deal.
I just was watching a lot of Red Hot Chili Peppers. Those guys can play.
This band is a bunch of kids, and they try hard, but it is very tedious to listen to. I don't think they'll make it.
Right now, they are just making a lot of noise at my expense.
Hurts my ears.
Good luck to try and read a book.
Sometimes, I edit videos while they are playing, I have no choice if I want the video to get done.
Pain in the ass to try and think straight while they play.
They also have the annoying habit of turning their amps up loud even if it is just one guy in there practicing.
It's part of the problem, they can't hear themselves how bad they suck.

I'm cranking up the chili peppers now.

Friday 4:42 p.m.

Hello, it is Friday, and I'm cooking up a storm in 'Cafe World' on Facebook. I didn't like the game at first, because it was work, just like YoVille became. But now I like it. I'm groovin' with it, making all kinds of dishes, and decorating my cafe. If I could do this in real life, I'd be rollin' in the dough. But the restaurant business is tough, we all know that.
Anyway, I'm having fun, that's what counts.
I haven't been able to blog for a day or two, internet connection problems. It's like I have dial-up again. I have high-speed, and maybe it is AT & T, maybe it is my computer, maybe both. Can't figure out the computer frustration to save my life, so I'll do the best I can.
For right now, I just want to be level 10 in 'Cafe World', getting there. I'm all smiles. Especially after yoga class, maybe I'll talk about that later. Of course, it could be more smiles, but none of those women have shown any interest in my sorry 42 year old ass, haha.

I'm still thinking about 'Napolean Dynamite'. What a great and painful film, haha. Loved it. A lot. I want to see it again soon.
I graduated from Bountiful High in 1986. Utah and Idaho are very similar in a lot of ways.
Nothing to do in both places.

I'm painting. I like the music from 'Cafe World'. I emulate the system while I paint. I like that. It's all about systems, at least according to one art teacher I had. A system just makes things easier.
I am trying to create an economic system for myself. Not easy as an artist. Art takes a long time to make.

I saw some nice office women today. Damn. They are so womanly, and look so put together. I just want to climb on them, and swing from the trees of their hair.
I don't have permission to do that.
Makes me think again of my 'nude life drawing service' where I will go over to a woman's house and draw her naked. I've done it before, no big deal. Women like that kind of thing, and so do I. It's a little frustrating if they don't want you, which is all of the time. But I wouldn't mind getting paid for that, instead of me paying the models, which I can do again sometime soon, if I want. Who knows? Anything can happen.
And it probably will.

The yoga women today were fantastic. Damn. So cheeky. Love those cheeks. Can't get enough. Loved the blonde in her 70's clothes today. She's a sweetheart. Often is late, but I love when she comes in. Tall woman, too. Damn.

I'm just a troll in there, I do my thing, and I'm out of there. Those girls don't want to be looked at or bothered, at least not that I know of.

It was a good class, I'm glad I went. It's the only thing I got going on a daily basis besides my art.

Maybe I will go up to Specs tonight, maybe not. Might be good to go up there for one. Always is.

I'll save this blog. There is a time limit.

The computer frustration continues. The 'wireless' light on my at& t box is flashing on and off, I think it is supposed to be on steadily. I don't remember it flashing, so maybe it is a problem with the network and not my computers.
I hear that most people who have computers have two.
I have two. It is nice that way. In case something goes wrong, I can take the laptop to the cafe for internet fun.
I just want to lay down, that might not be such a bad idea.
Yeah, things are slow today.
I need fast internet. It drives me nuts if it is slow, really does.
I had a good yoga class.
Wow, the video upload worked, after one fail.
I hope my online games work today. That would be fun to play a little.
It's a new day, and a new month. March!
Time marches on.
I did the defrag on the C drive, hope that helped.
Uninstalled a couple of crap programs I wasn't using, that helps, in order to free up the hard drive.
One of them was Registry Mechanic.
It's not as if I care about anyone reading this blog, just getting my thoughts out helps me to think. I get confused when I get overwhelmed. Lots of thoughts in my mind.
The internet worked better yesterday.
I hope I can play my Facebook browser games. People are depending on me to work on their farm and visit their fishtanks, man.
Prodigal Pianist, uploading that video now. It came out pretty much how I wanted it to, so I'm happy about that.
792 hits on the new channel, wow. Only 8 more to go.
Coffee?
Ok, you talked me into it.
Error on the upload again. Sucks. Try again and again until it works.
In the meantime, I will paint.
Tron legends?
What will they think of next?
Here comes try #4 on the video upload. It usually isn't this hard at all.
Damn.
I'm doing it now without the progress bar to upload the video. I haven't had to do that in a while. That is the fallback when it doesn't upload. I like to watch the timer, to know how long I have until it is uploaded.
Just having problems today with the internet.
Let's see what happens now.
I just want to lay down, but I am supposed to be working.
I am working. I'm making videos and painting. That is my work. I'm just not getting paid for it. Gotta fix that. Somehow.

Defrag your mind

I should have done it a while ago on the big computer. Defrag. You have to do it often, especially if you work a lot with video. Once every week or two. I've been neglecting. Oooops.
Always the constant struggle. Things on the computer change, like waves on the ocean. You always have to adapt.
One little program can slow down functionality.
Just part of doing the computer stuff.
It's a lot of work, but when it is good, it's great.

Almost 11 a.m., and I am dragging. I had my coffee. Still waking up somehow. Still not there somehow.

It was a good night of Magic. The Finn won 2, Surfing Man won 1, I won 2. The games weren't so irritating, which I am thankful for, but time does stand still, and you wonder what you are doing with your life.

Even painting a little sets it up for the next time.

Computer Frustration, driving me mad, making me insane.
Slow as molasses, I don't got all day.


crap, gotta go.