I will never make a cent with this blog.

     However, I like to write, so I will continue to create content for this blog.
     Once Google adsense sacks you for content violation, you can never get your adsense account back.  That is what it says.
     I'm actually bummed about the whole deal.  This blog represented a lot of freedom for me, where I felt for the first time that I could write what I wanted.
     I was excited every time another penny would register in my earnings.  It gave me incentive, and something to work towards.
     The first year of this blog, I hardly got any hits.  It took a year to get 1000.  Now it is at 4000 hits.  I can't explain the jump in the number of hits.  I don't know who reads this blog, if anybody.  Certainly no one responds to what I write.
     It could just be bots that come to this blog site.  Who knows?  I don't know.
     Anyway, it was kind of a frustrating, and confusing day.  I had a couple of hours where I really did not know what I was doing.
     One of the bands is playing next door, which makes it hard to think.
     I was thinking of making some more videos, but I can't record sound until they go away for the night.  They are just too loud. 
     Sometimes, I have to jump into bed, and pull the covers over me to absorb the sound.  Then I close my eyes, and try to pretend it is not happening. 
     In my opinion, they suck, so that doesn't help.
     I watched 'The Lazer Collection' and several short films by Dopminic Fear on youtube.  I had never seen his stuff before.  I was thoroughly entertained, even laughing out loud at times.  He does a good job.  I love all his actors, and how he uses the same people over and over again.  I don't know how he writes all that dialogue for being so young.  He plays piano, does his own music, what can't he do?  He seems to me to be really talented, coming from a good family, too.  I don't know much about him, but I was impressed.  It's so amateur that it is good.  I like that stuff.  I am exhausted with Hollywood stuff for some reason, so Dominic's films were refreshing to watch.  Also, there are moments that are really funny.  I'm amazed he got so many people in his films.  He must be a really nice person.
     Anyway, I just want to lay down, and reset my head.
     A brain is like a computer, it needs to log out every so often.

They won't pay me, but they still put ads on this blog.

     I have adult and mature content on this blog, so monetization is not possible.  Okay, I understand that.  So why do they still put ads on this blog?  I have no idea.  If advertisers don't want to be associated with my blog, they still seem to be there.
     I wonder what would happen if I cleaned up my blog, and made it suitable for a teen-ager to read it?  Would they review my blog, and allow this blog to be monetized again?  I don't know.
     I'm not interested in doing a squeaky clean blog.
     Also, I see nothing wrong with profanity, especially if it is funny.

Monetization is not possible for blogs with adult content.

     Now they tell me.
     Well, I'm an artist, and I'm 43, so forgive me for thinking like an adult.  I see no reason to change the content of my blog, since it would be a lie.  It's kind of how 'they' control people.  They try and make you think in a certain way, and behave in a certain way.  They want you to play by their rules.

     At the time I discovered that my blog was no longer available for monetization, I had made $1.02 for over 3600 hits and 100 entries.  That is a lot of work. 
     I would describe my 'wages' as being 'despicable' and 'unconscionable'.  Worse than slave wages.

     However, I love to write, and it's a shame I can't make money with this blog.  Too bad. 
 
     It turns out that it is restricted freedom of speech.  It's okay to say whatever they want as long as they approve.  That's not really freedom, it's like living in a fishbowl or enclosed environment with a whole world outside of it.


     I doubt that Charles Bukowski or Robert Crumb would be approved by adsense, so fuck it.  The Marquis de Sade would not be approved by adsense.  All three of these men made literary and artistic contributions to humanity.

     The founders of The Constitution weren't even Christian, and were against having professors from Europe at The University of Virginia, because it was likely they would be Christian.
     Benjamin Franklyn used to go to France and fuck the whores there.

     Anyway, I still like Google, and I love the computer world.  I guess I'll have to find some thing else to do with my time than count the one-hundred and two pennies that drifted into my adsense account over the course of a year.
 
     It's also a way for Google not to pay me. 

     I don't think anything I've posted or written is bad.  Yes, it is for adults...well, I set this blog for adults.

    Oh well.  It would probably take another three years to earn enough so that adsense would send me a $10 check.

     There goes my hopes of making money off my blog.  I guess I'll just find another way.  Maybe it's a good thing.  Probably is.

I'm an ex-Mormon

     It's like a confessional.  All I know is I am glad that I am not a Mormon anymore.  They told me that I could not ever be as happy without The Church as I would be in it, and you know what?  That just wasn't true.  Since I left The Church, my happiness actually seemed to increase.

     So there you go.

     Now I think that the whole Mormon church is just some made-up thing, that they make money off of, so it is good to keep Mormons in their fishbowl.  Not good for them to see what is on the other side.  Good to keep them in control and in check.

     For me, I just got exhausted with thinking that god was watching and keeping track of everything I did as if it mattered.  Now I know it was all just inside my head.

     It wasn't easy to de-program myself.  It took a long time.  I still have a lot of basic Mormon programming inside me, but at least I recognize it for what it is now.

     A lot of artists come from religious backgrounds.  The art is a way to sort things out that you don't want anymore.  So, it turned out that art saved me.  Rock and roll music saved me to some degree, too.

     I feel fine about Jesus, he seems cool, but I just don't want to be a sportscentric military right wing nut with a hankering for all things Disney like a lot of Mormons.  Kind of makes me sick when I think about all the things I would be if I went to L.D.S. Church every Sunday.  Ugh.

     I just want to live my life at this point.

Today is gonna be the day for what, I don't know

Well, these are two of my art dogs standing by the curb on Valencia Street near 16th in front of Muddy Waters Cafe in San Francisco.  I go there every day, sometimes twice.  I've sold two dogs recently, one for $100, and another for $50.  It seems like a fair price to me for all the work I put into them.  They are made of bailing wire from the hardware store, and covered with clear packaging tape.  Then I paint them.
     It is fun to carry a dog with me everywhere I go.  People notice.  A lot of people like my dogs, though some people don't care.  No big deal.
     Real dogs do react to them, and will go up to them and sniff them.  Sometimes the real dogs freak out a little.  Some dogs recognize them as being fake right away.  Same goes with people.  Some think they are real, then they realize they are not.  That is pretty funny to watch.
     The dogs get all kinds of reactions.  Kids and women like them.  They will go up to them for a closer look.  They also get photographed a lot.
     They seem to be a chick magnet.  Two women who normally would have no reason to talk to me asked me about my art dogs this morning.  That was the nice.  The blonde was pretty cute.
 
     Anyway, I had a good day so far.  I was depressed, and did not want to go to yoga, then I forced myself to go, and I felt better afterwards.  Then I did some drawing at my outdoor cafe area that I go to all the time, and then I came home and made a sarcastic 'I Am A Child of God" video that I put up on youtube, haha.  My L.D.S. siblings probably won't like it much, but it isn't my problem if they don't like it.  I think it is funny.

    
Here is the first photo from the video.

 Then it goes into stuff like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXfM0r-beBE

I love the blog technology, I can just post a video anywhere I want, and it is cool that the blog is formatted to mobile devices now, sweet.

     I am pretty happy at the moment.

Politicians With Their Dicks Out

     I don't care about politicians with their dicks out, doing whatever they want with their dicks, with whomever they can get.  As long as they do their job, that is all I care about.
     I never heard any dick stories about Bush Sr. or his son 'W', but I heard of lots of vacations, golf playing, and hanging out on the ranch.
     Those are the fuckers I worry about.
     Politicians caught with their dick out, well, at least that humanizes them, and let's me know what I am dealing with.  It let's me know they are guys.
     W. Bush never got involved in any sex scandals that I know of.   Maybe his dick doesn't even work.

     Anyway,  I'm not a guy to look up pictures of politician's dicks, so who is?  Why the press makes a big deal about this kind of stuff I have no idea why.  I guess it sells papers and makes headlines.  But the media often does not have a lot of class.

     Something I did not need to know was that Oprah Winfrey was a teen-age prostitute.  I don't know if it is true or not.  Who cares?  But now I have this image of her.  Not that I've ever watched her show, but I don't like the media saying the worst things about people.

     While I'm at it, I don't like the over-usage of calling this country 'America' as if it was a brand name.  As far as I know, this is the United States of America.  It is the U.S....America refers to both North and South America.  People in Peru are Americans, too.  Duh.
     America the name comes from the Italian 'Amerigo Vespucci'. 

     Anyway, basically the feeling it creates within me is, "Welcome K-Mart shoppers, this is America!"
     I had no idea this country was a shoe brand that needed to be sold to its inhabitants.  It's just a way to kind of control people with nationalistic feelings.

     You know, there is a lot of what I would call propaganda in this country.  It's not always easy to identify.  They make it look like all part of the fabric.  It's all designed like running water over a rock which eventually wears it down to a pebble.  Advertising messages do that to people.  Just wear them down to the point where their individuality is subdued. 

Bountiful Park

     Well, I lived in Bountiful, Utah for eight years.  I like South Park.  So my version of it is 'Bountiful Park'.  It is basically the working title.  I drew up some sketches today.  I've been thinking about this for days.  I was able to successfully speed up my voice a week or two ago on the audacity sound program so my voice sounds like a South Park voice.  It works pretty good.  Here are some of the drawings I did.

Well, that's pretty much all the pictures I did for 'Bountiful Park' today.  The pilot episode is called 'Temple of The False God'.  Now all I have to do is write the script, or some dialogue, or something.  I will just work in small chunks of it.  No reason to do the whole thing all at once.  It would take me forever.

     Basically, the show takes place in Bountiful, Utah.  I'll have to create a fictional family for the character mostly based on me, since my family does not like me to do anything about them in my art.  I don't know why, it's just funny.  I would kill for them to make shit about me, but they aren't into it, or they are into their own thing, I don't know.  I can't worry about it anymore about what they do or not do.  None of my business at this point anyhow.  I don't even have the energy to care.  Anyway.

     I want to have a scene where it shows a packed station wagon with parents and kids driving from L.A. to Utah.  The scene will take about 45 seconds to a minute.
     I guess my character's name could be David, or Darren.  Something like that.
     There is a part in the episode where the Mormons build the Helsinki, Finland temple, but the ancient Viking Warlords come back from the dead to burn the Mormon temple down because they don't want that shit on their land.  Ever.
     I also want to have a scene where I am in church, sitting there in sacrament meeting, and I turn around, and see all these green zombie creatures like in 'They Live' sitting behind me.  That kind of happened to me when I was 16.
     Even just what I wrote so far should keep me busy for a while.  I'm going to do an audio track and storyboards, and worry about the animation later.  I can do limited animation, that works just fine.

     Well, that's all that is in my brain right now about this subject.

Wow, I made my first dollar from this blog.

     According to the monetize numbers, I've made $1.01.  The theory is when I get it to $10.00, Google will send me a check.
     Well, at the rate I am going at, with it taking about a year to make that first dollar, in about nine years I will get that ten dollar check.  That isn't very good.  I'll be dead by then, a skeleton at my computer just waiting.

     I wish I could get a penny for every hit I get on youtube.  That would help me out a lot.  I guess people who are youtube partners, or who have approved accounts, are making some money.  I like to make music videos using music I like, so I doubt I will ever get paid for any youtube stuff, since half my stuff uses copyrighted musical material.  Oh well.  I'm having fun, which is all I care about, but if I pull my head out of my ass, maybe I can make some money so I can live.

     Just the fact that I heard that a guy was making $24,000 a year off his blog should encourage me to write on this thing every day.  It is possible.  That is a good thing.  I would much rather just work on my blog than ever go to a fucking goddamn job ever again.

     My current job is a waste of time, which doesn't pay me enough to live on.  So not only do I not get to do my creative work when I am on the job, there is also the come down time after work, where I have to recover my head before I can get into my artistic mode again.  The whole process is draining.  I do like working at the ball park from time to time, it isn't all bad, there are some benefits, but it is kind of a detour for what I want to be doing at this time of my life.
 
     So, I will keep going, and see what happens.  Wish me luck.  I am just trying to survive in this world, and I'm not doing a very good job at it.  Not yet anyhow.  I'm trying, I'm trying, but not necessarily doing.  Eeeek.  Egads.

     I have to get it together.  Can't.  hahaha.

Bauvyenaya Bukowski aka 'Bauvy'

She is nine years old.  I started this character in 2002.  Though she is only level 62, which isn't very good, she has plans of leveling up.

Basically, I had to work a lot and didn't have time to play games, so that's why it's taken me so long.

She just joined the guild, 'Mark of Redemption' last night.  I guess my old guild kicked me out since I was never on.

Bauvy is a rogue.  She's wearing an outfit that somebody I know got me a long time ago.

'Bauvy' is the name I use for my Twitter site.

Her last name I gave her in honor of Charles Bukowski.  I imagined that Charles would want to fuck this broad.

My Afternoon Coffee Shop Experience

     Well, it was a good time.  The coffee was good.  I enjoyed sitting in the sun, and feeling the warmth.
     Events that occurred while I was there included Crazy Crackhead Women on Speed coming into the cafe and banging on the glass front door, three gay boys talking about relationships and jobs, and girl in a black dress sitting across from me and she flashed me her beave when she was leaving, but I don't know if it was intentional.  Then there was The Creepster Tattoo Face He/She commanding the outdoor table with his/her friend "Nosy Woman who wears glasses so she can look and see what other people are doing without being noticed".  Also, 'Guy who wears nice clothes and picks cigarettes off the ground all day long' made an appearance.
     Near the end of my session I met a nice lady who was giving somebody a French lesson.  She was curious about the wire and tape animals I was working on, and just wanted to say 'hi'.  That was nice of her.  She was kind of cute, too.
    
     San Francisco is a pretty amazing town, filled with freaks from around the world.  I've thought recently that even in this city of freaks, I barely fit in.

     I guess the story that sums up San Francisco the best is what somebody told me about the flashing light on top of The Transamerica Building. 
     "It's actually a beacon calling all the freaks of the world to San Francisco."

I have missed a lot of recent opportunities to blog lately.

     A lot of times, I'll be sitting there playing a video game, and the thought will strike me that I should be writing a blog entry.
     This has happened often.
     Right in the middle of combat on 'Lord of The Rings Online', 'EverQuest', or 'Star Wars Galaxies', I'll be trying to get some xp to level up my character, and a little voice in my head will say, "You could be writing a blog entry right now."
     Well, it is the same voice that prompts me to write in my sketchbook or notepad.  It is very insistent.  I've written so much over the years, mostly to no avail, anyway, the voice says to me basically, "If you start writing right now, some things will come out of your head that you have never even thought of before!  You should write right now!!"
     Well, you can't write every moment of the day, and often the voice that tells me to write has no consideration for what I am currently doing.  So, I either have to listen to the voice, and succumb to it, or ignore it.
     Add to this the voice in my head that tells me to draw.  I don't know if it is the same voice that tells me to write.  Anyway...
     Well, it is more of a prompting.  It is a line of dialogue that pops into my mind, and this can happen at any moment.
     With the drawing, usually it is a woman, or the sight of one that gets me to draw.
     Words can't describe sometimes the subtle differences from woman to woman.  The only way to confront the image of a sizzling hot babe is to draw her.  Sometimes not even a camera can capture the essence.  Sometimes a pencil is the best way to get the vibe.  The photograph often just shows what the girl looks like, not what she feels like when you see her.  Then you see the photo and you feel nothing.  Often the form looks flat if the lighting isn't right.  Sometimes I have photographed a girl's butt, and then when I look at the photo, it looks all flat, but when I saw it in real life, it looked like the greatest sticky-out butt I had ever seen.  So when I see the curves, and the fleshy goodness of an attractive woman, and then the photo looks like she was made of cardboard, I am disappointed.  With a pencil, I can easily put in the lights and darks pretty fast to show the form.
     I've spent many years in coffee shops, bars, and various locales, pouring out my soul on the page.  For what, I don't know.  Anyway, what I'm trying to do every time I sit down to write is to get the contents that are in my head out onto the page.  Then I can worry later if what I wrote is any good or not.
     Lately, I haven't bothered to blog, because, well, I haven't felt that anybody cared or not.  It seemed pointless to write for an audience that wasn't there, or had no interest in what I was doing.  With all the things going on in the world, why should I expect anyone to read what I write? 
     Well, lately, I didn't feel as if anybody was reading this blog.  Maybe they still aren't.  I can't tell.  I have 2800 or so hits on this thing now.  I've made 90 cents, according to my adsense account.  I won't be going out to dinner anytime soon with these wonderful earnings.  Maybe someday I will, who knows?  It would be cool to make a living from blogging.  I heard about a guy who made $24,000 in one year from a blog.  It probably took him more than a couple of years to build an audience.  I'm not sure about all the things that happen in the blog world, if they are true or not, or what is happening, or what have you.

     Anyway, I had a good, but tough yoga class today.  It was excruciating in a couple of poses.  Not easy.  My arms were aching.  Anyway, I took my dog to the financial district today, and hung out with him while I drew at the outdoor office.

     This photo I took while at the coffee shop yesterday.  I like the lighting, and the shadows.
     Anyhow, it was the debut of this dog in the financial district.  A couple of people saw it.  Maybe I will get a sale one of these days.  The people in that area can afford it, I know that.  They seem all set up.

     Just because I am thinking about it at this very moment....you know where I got a recent upgrade on my typing skills?  A mini-game called 'Star Typer' on Clone Wars Adventures.  It is a typing game, and I don't have to look at my hands anymore to type.  I know where the keys are, so I can type faster and with more accuracy.  It made typing fun, so I was able to relearn some typing skills that I had forgotten.  Anyway...

     It is important that I try and sell a wire dog or cat every day if I can.  I need the money.  I want to make my life better.  There are certain things I need that only money can buy.  I'm tired of just making it through every month.  I need some bonus play money, so I can further my life and my career.  Plus, art materials ain't cheap.  Neither is the education I got that I still need to pay for....eeek. 

     Anyway, here is what popped out of my head.  I'm sure this blog entry needs some editing or rethinking.  I'm too close to it now.  Editing occurs later.  I did what I could, but only time helps certain editing decisions for a piece of writing.

     I like to write about writing.  I like to show my art.  I like to write about things that happen to me on a daily basis.  I like to write about people I know, but I don't really do that on this blog much, because well, people don't like to be written about.  I'm going to have to come up with some fictional characters or something to describe what I feel.  It's all so complicated.
     I do want to write about my family, but they don't want that.  I don't know why, it is good advertising for them, haha.
     I have a story I would like to write about, but the person would probably freak out, so there is no point in writing about this person.
     Some things I write stay in my sketchbooks.  I guess my unpublished material will be discovered after I am dead, haha.  I doubt if anybody will care then, because they definitely could give a shit about what I do now.  haha.

     Anyhow, I was thinking of going to the coffeeshop again.  I feel like getting really caffeinated today.  It's my last day off before a ten day run of work.   ( ugh )

     Sometimes, most of the time, I feel jobs are a waste of time.

Matt_and_Dave_Studios

     Basically, my brother Matt and I started this business.  I like to draw, and he likes to computer color the drawings.  We also do graphic design, and we like to do stuff for animation.  Matt knows how to build websites, and do other things on the computer.  We both like video games.  Anyway, we'll see where it all goes.

Wire Dogs

Well, the dog on the far left I sold for $50 yesterday.  A larger dog made out of thicker wire sold for $100 last week.  That's $150 off of two sculptures.  That is some pretty good scratch.  Beats working.