Brown tight leggings and other things

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Red Wine and Soft Music

     Goddamn, I just feel like posting a picture of a naked lady...one sec, let me find one.  I have many to choose from....

     She looked like a happy girl, so I might as well put her picture up.  She looks like nudity doesn't bother her in the least.  She looks very happy and content.
     A lot of people are very screwed up in the head about bodies, and you know what?  It is all very natural and normal.  There is nothing to be ashamed about, unless you are a fucking lard ass who can't run around the block every once in a while.  Then you've got problems.  If you worry more about your hair and nails then that tub of lard you are carrying around, you might also have problems.
     You know what?  People love Jennifer Aniston for how good she looks.  Women copy her hairstyle, but they won't do the three yoga classes a week.  That is about all she does to look that good.  It's no mystery.  A lot of Americans are fat, ugly pigs, though, and they like television.

     I still haven't put any pictures of my penis on the web yet, or on this site.  I don't feel there is a reason to, or that anybody would be interested in that.  Yet, my dick seems to have a life of its own, and guides my interests sometimes.  The dick wants to get satisfied, so it makes me want to do questionable things.  I can't help it, I'm male.  I deal with it, and I move on.

     Most women don't really want to see a dick anyhow.  They just want the lights turned low, with a glass of red wine nearby, and some soft music.

Monopoly 69

     This photo I took off of 'Monopoly Millionaires' on facebook.
     Since the concept of '69' is an adult concept, I had to put this on my 18 and over blog.
     I see nothing wrong with '69'.  I did it with the girl I lost my virginity with.  She wasn't that into it, but I wanted to see what it was like.  I actually did like it a lot.  It felt great to go down on her with my mouth as she was sucking on me.
     That was a good time, I still remember it fondly, better than the actual sex we had, because neither of us knew too well what we were doing.

The Viking of The Verbal Tradition

     Well, I successfully made it to the art store yesterday, and I bought my two canvasses.  One of my clients wants a bigger sized canvas, so I have to go back, and buy a larger one.  He wants a portrait of him and his wife for his restaurant.
     Well, I have no chance of making my living freelancing and doing odd work here and there.  It isn't enough, and I'm not a shrewd enough business man.  Also, I don't like to work on consignment much.  The pressure of successfully completing an assignment is almost too much for me to handle.
     After going to the cafe where I had some beers and a delicious turkey sandwich on 6-grain bread, I went over to The Local Bar.
     Well, my friend showed up.  Anybody who knows me would know who he is based on a simple description, and he likes to remain anonymous.  Even just based on that, some people might know how it is.  Anyhow, my point is that he is a Viking of The Verbal Tradition.  This presents some immediate problems.  He is good at seeing visuals in his head and telling stories, but he doesn't draw or type.  He is the kind of person where he needs a person around to document his stories, and write down all his words.  Working with him is kind of like pulling teeth.  I was there with my sketchpad, trying to put together the narrative sequence of his story.  Well, he is like Alan Moore in that he has great verbal skills.  He needs somebody to do the manual work.  Then, he would only want to have the first completed story available for free, and the other stories would be on a paid website, where customers pay to hear the rest.  Well, that is a lot of work.  So, already, we were in the negotiation stages.  I told him that I can't build those kind of paid websites.  Then, his content would have to be superb in order to justify charging for it.  Basically I told him to show up at the cafe during the day, and it might go well to work that way.  He has a lot of talent, but maybe nighttime at the bar isn't the right time to make stories, or perhaps, it is the best time.  Anyhow, I attempted to write down the notes, and draw a couple of thumbnails.  It is all over the place.  What would end up happening, is I would have to do all of the grunt work even to type up what he says.  One way is just to record him, but he doesn't wish to be video-taped.  Well, we could audio tape him, and that would work.  He doesn't do computer stuff much, so, it would really take a lot to get him to tell his stories, or to show off his verbal skills.  All this is a lot of work.  Well, he needs a whole team of people apparently to make all of his stories a reality.  Some people have a verbal way of telling a story, I am not one of those people.  He is, but he can't write them down.  So, it is a quandary between the written and the verbal tradition.  Funny, but I just saw a documentary about Vikings, and they had a strong verbal tradition, but very little actual writings came from them.  My friend is like a Viking, I have come to realize.  It's going to be really difficult to get 'his work' into written form.  He seems to think best on his feet.  I'm going to have to figure it out, because he won't do it.  Even if I just got his permission to audio record him anytime I wanted, that would be a help.  1-3 minutes of audio a week is enough to get it all started.  I can put those videos on youtube, and get it all started.  Then, there are business considerations with him, and it all gets very complicated.  Will it be worth it?  I don't know.  I can write my own stories.  This whole thing will not be easy.

     So I had a good time at the bar, we drank Rainer's and I asked the bartender about 'Pepper Southern Comfort'.  I actually liked it.  A friend called it 'cheap booze'.  Well, I was drinking that, and drinking the high-alcoholic content of Rainier, so it was a good time.
     I finally managed to pull myself away from the bar, and I bicycled home.
     Then I got some chicken, rice, and beans from the Guatamalan stand, and it was ever so good.  I said something about the piece of chicken they were giving me was pretty small, so they cooked up some extra chicken for me, and made my plate really nice, only charging me $3.  It was good eating.

     There is the German couple sitting next to me.  Funny, but I saw a German porn video last night, and the guy talked a lot as if it was all very technical and precise, and the woman was saying 'YAH oh Yah!' so I was pretty entertained.  Before the sex, the woman spent five minutes putting shaving cream around her crotch area, and she shaved.  Before that, she peed outside on the road.  Okay, classy stuff.  The German guy kind of had a small dick.  It was just fascinating to see German people do it.

     So, I made some drunken Clone Wars video game videos, and I crashed, only to wake up to more video games.
     Oh yeah, I played some Lord of The Rings Online, too, before falling asleep.

     Ok, it is going to be another adventurous day.

     I don't know what to do about my Viking friend.

Perverts Around The World, Unite

     I just wanted to write a blog entry with that title, lol  It makes me laugh, and brings happiness to me.  I don't know what it means exactly, but all I know is that most humans are sexual beings, whether they admit it or not.
     'Sin' is a fucked up word.  There used to be a god named 'Sin' and it means something different than how people use that word today.  Go ahead, go look up the etymology of that word.  I would do it, but I am too lazy.  I can't research everything for you.

Art is a Weapon

     "Aw, Christ," the artist exhaled to himself as he set up his laptop in the cafe.
     "It's been a while, a couple of days since I typed in here...I've been busy, and I've been drunk."

     Anyway, where should I begin?
     This entry should have been typed in yesterday.  I guess I am still trying to sort it all out in my head.
     I didn't even know what day it was yesterday.  I had to ask.

     Ok, at least I know it is Thursday, December 29th.  That is a start.
     I have to buy a couple of canvasses today.  It can not wait another day, though, I would rather just sit at home and take it easy.
     I tried to make money last night, but it didn't work.  My mission was a failure.
     The day before, I made $38, though.  That was epic.  Now I have to make a painting for some guy that I don't really want to do.  It is too long of a story, maybe I'll get around to it, maybe not.  But basically, I sold a painting in advance, and now I have to do it.  I only got $20 from him, so I guess I can always back out.  It is no big deal, so I shouldn't traumatize myself over it.
     If I had gotten it together, I guess I would painting in the cafe right now.
     I'm a little behind schedule.
   
     "Fuck it all, I should just enjoy my coffee, and breathe in some air," the artist thought to himself.

     Anyway, I was at the bar for the last two nights in a row.

     I would rather sit at home and play 'Lord of The Rings Online'.
     That game freaks me out.  I finally get to go to Middle Earth.  So, I go there, and there I am.  I waited a life time to go, and now I can every day if I want.  It is incredible.  I can't even put into words.
     Even though it is just a facsimile, it is the closest thing ever to actually being there.
     It is a pretty fun game, too.

     Anyway, my mind is a mess.  It is just jumbled up right now, so I am here to make sense of it if I can.

     One thing is for sure, I can't write the first thing in the morning in my studio.  I actually have to leave and go to the cafe.  It is a process.  Then when I get here, I am in text mode.

     What is writing anyway?  I am not sure.  It is a bunch of letters that make words.  They have pictorial meaning and a usage history.

     Anyway, the other day started at Cafe Prague where I had some beers, and laughed so hard I had a coughing fit, and fell off the bar stool onto the floor.
     Then I sold a painting in advance that I still have to do.  I got paid $20 in advance.
     Then I proceeded to make $18 drawing people on napkins.  I was on a roll.
     So, I had no money, and then I had money.
     Then I gave my friend $14.  Then I bought us pizza for $7.  Then I found some woman who agreed to get naked so I could take pictures for $5.  Then I gave some other woman $2.  Then all I had in the morning was four quarters in my pocket, for the grand total of $1.
     What a night.  Then my bank money came in, and I was rich again.

     Last night, I attempted the same money making venture, but it didn't work.  So, I was content with just hanging out.  I had a good time.

     One thing is for sure, I don't want to go back to my old job.  I have to become successful as an artist.  I have my work cut out for me, and I have to be real good.  I have to be superb.  I don't know if I have ever been superb at anything.

     'Clone Wars Adventures' is going good.  I made a new video yesterday.  It is already getting hits.

     Earnest Hemingway.  Journalist.  Writer.  Is his work good?  Does it matter?  Does anybody care?  He is one hell of a writer, though, no doubt.  But given a choice, would I rather read Bukowski or Hemingway?

     Do writers even stand a chance of making a living?  Not really.

     Man, I am a train wreck.

     I love blogging, and I love my keyboard set-up.  It is an external USB keyboard.  I still need one that is more like a typewriter, though.  I want it to feel like a typewriter.  Someday they will figure it out, I suppose.
     All I need is a keyboard that emulates a typewriter.  It just doesn't feel right when I type.  It feels wrong.
     I need my machine to feel like the earth.

     So, I have pictures of the hag that got naked for me.  This is the only blog I have that is set to 'adult', so I can post them here, at least the ones that I think are halfway decent.
     Just be patient with me, I will eventually do it.
     I have a lot going on with all the computer stuff I am doing.  It all takes time, you know.

     It is amazing with the computer technology.  It is really impressive, and it is funny that a lot of people just do their 'two-thumbed' chat to talk mostly about nothing.  It is just stuff to fill in the time.  It makes people happy, so there is no harm to it.

     Man, I am really out of it, but I am slowly starting to piece together the last two days.

     My days are filled with art making, and video games, writing, drawing, drinking lots of coffee, and having fun.

     There are some other events that happened, but I don't even know where to begin, or if they are significant.  I don't know what context to put these minor events in.

     I am a little crazy, too, and that has never helped me much.

     There is no one sitting near me, so I can concentrate on writing.  There are people talking too loud, and that is intrusive, but I can work through it.

     It is time for a cigarette.

* * *  So here is a picture of the woman who agreed to get naked for me for $5.  Trust me, this is the best side of her.  I kind of like the lighting.  It is informative to me as an artist how light and shade acts upon the body.  Of course, even though it is a figure photo, and harmless, adsense has issues with this kind of photo on monetized blogs.  Maybe I will have to create an 18 and over website, I don't know what the fuck I am going to do.  This blog works fine for my purposes right now.  As it is my most popular blog, I wish I could make some money with it, but that is not to be.  Therefore, I am in a position where I have to give my art away for free, but I believe in what I do, so I will do it, who cares?  I got other blogs I can make money with, but I can't do the full monty there, that is for sure, faithful readers.

•      Holy shit, there is a PG&E sports utility vehicle across the street.  I guess they need it for certain tough jobs to navigate terrain.  There wasn't much they could do when Candlestick Park had power outages during a nationally televised football game.
•      Drawing pictures of people on napkins at Specs and Vesuvio has been doing me some good.  People like it.  I give it away for free, then if they like it, they can give me money.  They often do, that is the nice part.  It is honest work, since I don't feel like I am hustling people.  They can pay me or not, I don't care, I really don't.  They often don't pay, and I could give a shit.  Well, I actually do, but I still get them to take my drawing with them.  It is free advertising for me, and who knows?  Maybe they will look me up on the web, and I'll get a hit.
•      I have to make a living.  Today.  I need to do it now.
•      This blog is unfortunately not monetized.  It is my most popular blog so far.  I must keep going with it, though, because it is only here where I can let my hair down, and just be myself.
•      I am tired of 'motherfucking this, and motherfucking that', and 'nigga this and nigger that'.  It is all I hear on the streets of San Francisco.  People talking smackshit all fucking day long.  A lot of people have issues in this town, and a lot of people are mentally unstable.  Once you go homeless in this city, you have to endure the cold, and the dampness in the mornings, and that is enough to drive anybody crazy in a matter of days.  People turn to drugs instead of turning to ways in which they can help themselves.  You got to be a tough mother to survive in this world.  It ain't easy.
•      I don't know who my audience is on this blog.  It is mostly me.  I am the performer and the audience member.  I can't often think through a written piece when I am writing it.  That comes later.  I usually need a couple of days.  Only then can I decide if a piece is good or not, and if it is descriptive of what it is I want to say.  It takes time.
•      I want to be a professional blogger.  That sounds like a good job to me.  I like writing, it is fun.  I would rather sit at a keyboard then practice a musical instrument.  The keyboard makes its own sounds, so there is a rhythm to it.  I just don't have the musical discipline and inclination.  I don't know why.  Music wasn't encouraged in my home.  I don't think my mother cared if we played or not.
•      It took me a while to figure out that my mother was my enemy.  She began to not serve my interests at all.  She just wanted me to be a good little Mormon boy, and that is sad.  Fuck that.
•      For my sci-fi space epic, I came up with a world where everyone is Mormon.  It will be the Mormon planet.  The working title will be 'Mormonia'...hey, I like it.  That sounds good.  It will be the Mormon Headquarters of The Universe.  You have to be a member in good standing in order to live there.  If you lose the faith, they deport you.
•      I just saw an Indian girl with big tits.  She was pretty nice looking?  I wonder what an afternoon in bed would be like with her?  I bet it would be fun for me, but I don't know how she would feel about that.
•      It takes longer to write a good blog entry than to make a decent video.  Making a video game video is a piece of cake compared to this.
•      I've been eating well lately.  Cafe Prague does it up good.
•      I don't know how I will survive.  I had better come up with something quick.  I might have to cut my hair, and wear some decent clothes, and try to be respectable.  That never worked for me too well.  I just want to do my thing, and create wondrous works of amazing thought and beauty.
•      Fuck, I need a painting studio.  Goddammit.  If I could just get it together, it would all be so much easier.
•      Muddy Waters has never been a good money making cafe for me.  I come here mostly out of convenience.  I did sell some sculptures out on the street, but that is rare.  There aren't even a lot of people walking about on Valencia during the day of late.  I guess everybody is at work.
•      "Chew on this, Chewie".
•      Star Wars continues to permeate the culture.  I would imagine 'The Old Republic' is bringing in some bucks.
•      Everybody is getting along fine without me.  They don't seem to need me to work for them.  They have plenty of people to do the work for them.  I am outsider, a stranger to places where people have jobs.  I have no way in.  I hate the idea of interning anywhere, working without pay.  Fuck it.  I need to get paid if I am working.
•      I can't keep it together.  A job eventually makes me snap, I get so bored doing other people's crap.  I would rather work for myself.
•      I have no time for kids, or for a relationship.  I simply don't care or be bothered with all that shit.
•      Delann from Babylon 5:  All love is unrequited.  (  She might be right, so why get married and have a relationship if they don't care about you anyway?  Most people are self-interested, and have their own interests, and despite being Christian, all they think about is themselves.  Christianity has kind of failed.  I fail to see Christians doing much of anything to spread Christ's message.  There is a lack of philosophy.  It is all fucked-up, and has been for a long time.
•      I am happy just sitting here and writing.
•      I don't know what my next video will be.
•      I guess I could start writing outlines for my written material.  That might help.  At least, it could give me a structure.  I have a hard time caring about that stuff, because for right now, on this blog, with my limited or non-existent audience, I am a space filler.  I type in words, and it fills in the space of this blog.  I don't see a large amount of comprehension in the world today, so I don't see that anything I do matters all that much.
•      My goal is to get a million hits on my current youtube channel, and then go from there, and see what happens.
•      The bookstore guy often comes here.  I tried to buy a Conan book from him, but he didn't carry that stuff.  Thanks to my brother, I have the original Conan stories in one volume.  He bought it off of ebay for $10.
•      It isn't easy to make money in this world.  The economy of the whole world is in trouble, though a lot of people are doing quite well.  George Lucas is a person that is doing quite well these days.  He keeps getting richer and richer.  
•      I don't know what I could do for Star Wars.  At best, I make Clone Wars Adventures videos for youtube.  To make some original Star Wars content would not be easy.  I could do it if I really wanted to.
•      I need more coffee.
•      I told my brother yesterday that 'we have no choice but to be successful.
•      I am all over the place today with my thoughts.  Drinking is fun, but it fucks you up.
•      I saw this porn video with this English guy, and he was banging two beautiful babes, and they really seemed to like him and his curved cock.  They liked how he talked, it turned them on.  They really were going at it, the three of them.  It's not often you see a porn video where the people really seem to like each other.  Mostly, they are just doing a job.  But these three were digging it.  The guy was having the time of his life.  My my, it was quite hedonistic and filled with debauchery with what they were doing.  It was good watching.  There is no better feeling than when a woman goes down on your dick.  It feels really good.
•      It's funny to be a fornicator.  I don't see anything wrong with it, if the girl is into it.  Some girls like to get fucked.  It is fun.  Who cares?  It's just ridiculous to med with all of the religion shit these days.  It doesn't seem to apply to me.  I could hardly care less.  I refuse to allow myself to be controlled by religion.  It is silly.  I ain't going to pay some church to talk a bunch of bullshit into my head on Sundays.  It's all bullshit.  The Bible is a lousy book to base a religion on, and it is really outdated.
•      I just want to make a cleric deck in MTG.
•      I didn't buy coffee for a couple of days, because I was tapped for cash.
•      Some kid asked me to buy him some clone armor, so I told him that he had just given me a good reason to log off.  I have no tolerance for kids asking me to buy them stuff.
•      I could go home and play Lotro.  That sounds like fun.  I am not doing any quests, mostly just doing some killing and grinding.  It is all I want to do.  It is all set up where I can log in, and kill right away.  It is low xp, but I dont give a shit.  I can do quests later. 
•      I am excited about building your own dungeons in EQ2.  I have to clear out some stuff on my computer before I attempt to log into that game again.
•      I wonder what is going on with my SONY account, now that SWG is defunct?
•      I talked to Marco today, but I didn't have much to say.  I got him his money, so he was happy.  It is a long story, but it is all fixed now.  We both need money, that is for sure.
•      I wonder what job I will do?  I don't want to do any security work, or being a doorman, or any of that shit.  I want to get paid for my work.
•      There was drama at Subway last night.  Some crazy bitch woman on her goddamn cell phone.  Christ, did she make up a fuss, over shit that nobody cared about.  She was all stressed out, and she wanted everyone in the shop to know that.
•      I finally feel like I am getting everything out of my system for events that happened in the last few days.
•      Goddamn, being a blogger is tough, goddamn work.
•      It costs a cup of coffee to sit here.  When I do serious blogging, I usually need two cups.  That is $4 right there.  To make that money back through adsense will take a long time.  
•      Luckily, Cafe Prague is good to me, as are a couple of local bars.  Thank god.  It's the only way that I am making it work right now.
•      Mirek wants an oil painting of him and his wife.  I don't even paint in oil, but I can put an acrylic glaze on it that will make it look like oil.
•      What is art?  Do I have to follow some kind of philosophy?  Modernism?  Post-Modernism?  I would have to say that for me, I have to start the whole ball game from scratch.
•      The Art World is not my friend.  I can't seem to get into that club, so fuck it.
•      New Year's Eve is on Sunday.  I don't know what we are going to do about our card game.  Maybe we will just sit right through it.  At this point, I could barely give a fuck about New Years.  I mean, who could give a rat's fuckChrist piss about it?  It is just another day for me.
•      I will do what I can to help people with English at Cafe Prague.
•      I've seen some pretty girls today.  It gives me visual pleasure to look upon their bodies.  It is good that I have x-ray vision.  Clothes can be very deceptive, and can hide a lot.
•      I wasn't too happy with Kathy last night.  I was talking to her, and then some guy started talking to her, so I was left out.  There was no, "Pardon me" of any kind.  I hold her responsible.  She does this to me all the time, where she talks to me as long as it entertains her, and then she is off to the next conversation.  She has to learn to say, "David, I will talk to you later," instead of just disregarding me.  She doesn't even know she does that, I bet.  I have problems, too.  Etiquette and manners aren't easily learned.  Pretty is as pretty does.  She would look better with doing some yoga classes.  She still has baby fat.  It's time to get rid of that.  I like that she's got her Mae West thing going for her, but I would like to see her address her body.  She needs yoga boot camp of five classes a week for six months, then she can go down to three or four classes.  It would really help her to not be a flittering floozy.  I used to have a crush on her when she first starting showing up, but she had no interest in me.  I can't say I blame her for that.  Why would she like me?  No reason, therefore she doesn't.  She is an actor, and she has fun, and that is all that matters, so what does it matter about my opinion anyhow?
•      My life is a mess, and I had better get it together.
•      I had fun reading my Conan book, and sipping on Gin & Tonics.
•      I'm doing all this writing for free on this blog.  Damn, I'm giving it all away.  It doesn't matter, I had to work out shit in my head.
•      It's a pretty long blog entry, huh?
•      My friend never says bad shit about anybody.  I'm not him, though.  He might be a better person than me.
•      I called 'Rose Marie' by the name of 'Dixie' last night.  I had forgotten her name, I hadn't seen her in so long.  What does she expect?  She wasn't offended.  I'm glad.  Hell, there are women I have slept with, and I don't even remember their names.
•      That's right, I'm a bastard.  So if you are reading this, I don't know what you will think.  Compliments if you read this entire article.  I'm amazed if anybody would.  We will see over time.  If I had a choice between playing a video game and reading some bullshit blog, I would pick the video game nineteen times out of twenty.
•      Funny that this shit will be on the web forever.  Eventually, I will edit and proofread all this shit.  I don't know what to make of it right now.  I really don't.  I just spent two days getting hammered.
•      Art is a weapon.  I will use it, too.
•  

My drunken but successful Friday night

     I made $23 drawing pictures on napkins last night.  That is amazing.  It is kind of unprecedented for me to do that at Specs and do well with it. 
     One drawing of four people who had known each other since pre-school was sold for $16.  A girl reached into her purse and gave me the money.  It was great.  She said, "It's frame-able.  I'm going to frame this."  That made me happy.  I made them happy.  A person from their table later bought me a Rainier.
     It all changed when I decided to just make the drawings for free and give them away.  That is when the money started to pouring in.
     Anyway, I ended up getting pretty hammered, but it was fun, and no harm was done, for the most part.
     It was a good night.
  
     I ended up giving my friend ten bucks and shared a veggie burrito with him.  It was damn good.

     I am up to 120,000 credits on Clone Wars Adventures now.  That reminds me, I fixed my problem at the bank.  The day was saved.  What a relief.

     To go over all the events of last night will take a while. 
     The night began at Cafe Prague after I was done with the tedious affair of the bank.  I had two Staropramens and a tuna melt sandwich.  It was so damn good.
     Then I biked over to Specs.
     I began with 'yummy coffees' and made one napkin drawing that I sold for $2.  I was there for a while before I was able to sell anymore.  I considered quitting and going home.  Then, I managed to eke out $5.  I was a roll with $7 made.  Then came the breakthrough drawing that sold for $16.  She gave me a one, a five, and a ten.  That made my day.  I didn't care if I sold any or not after that.  I continued to draw, and just enjoyed myself.  The drinks kept coming, and I had a good time.  I wasn't too drunk to ride my bike home, thank goodness.  I made it.

     Then I was happy to talk to Marco.  I gave him ten bucks and some veggie burrito, and told him my drunken story of the affair at the bank, and the following events.
     It turned out to be a wonderful night.

     Part 2 is coming up tonight.  They are going to have ham and cole slaw tonight at Specs at 7 p.m.  I can't wait.  It will be real good.  I was told to be ready to draw.  They like what I do.

     The drawings do make people happy if they come out good.  Most people warm up real fast when they see a drawing on a napkin coming their way.
     I honestly don't expect any money in return.  This has turned out to be a real good thing.  Sure, I get let down a couple of times, but the people who do give me money make up for the ones that don't.  In any case, it works.

     So, it was rock and roll last night.

     The drawings act as a bridge between people.  I make friends real fast, and suddenly we have something to talk about.  I couldn't be happier with how things turned out last night.

     Then I did some drunken facebook posting when I got home which is a real dangerous thing to do.  I also was a dick to some friend of mine.  I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to be friends anymore.  I have to either go out of my way to apologize if I thought it would matter, or forget about the whole thing.
     One of the things I said was, "You are taller, smarter, and better looking than I am, but I do more with less."
     I was really getting on his case.
     Then again, I made him swear on his life to return that damn Spiderman game for the PS1, and he never returned it.  That turned out to be the thing that irked me.  Now, it is just in his storage unit, and he can't even get to it.

     So there is the story of my drunken night.
     I ended up sitting in my computer chair until six a.m. unable to even move to bed.  I didn't even know why I continued to be there.

The Beginning of The End

     I think I am fucked.  My check was supposed to be here a week ago, and it still has not shown up.  That means I have no money to survive until that check comes in. 
     Yes, I think I am pretty much fucked.
     This is most unfortunate.
     An encroaching sense of doom is starting to come over me.
     I have to do something.
     I don't know what it is.
     The despair is starting to come over me.
     I haven't felt that in a while.  Life has been good, but suddenly, it isn't.
     Ooops.
     I have no back-up, and no resources.
     I am starting to feel real bad.
     What am I going to do?  I don't know.
     I have no talent, and no abilities.
     I am screwed.

     My check was supposed to be here a week ago.  Actually, the bank was supposed to drop the money into my checking account.  That has never worked.  They usually mail it to me.  They didn't.  There is a bizarre slim chance that the check is in my studio, but no, I don't think so.  I know what the envelope looks like.

     This is the end, my friends, unless I get that check.

     I have no way to survive.

     No one is going to give me money, I have to earn it, but yeah, where the hell is my check?  Do I have to go to the goddamn bank and bitch at them?  What good is that going to do?  I don't know.  All I know is that my Christmas is ruined, and it sucks.

     I need a course of action besides just sitting here at the cafe and bitching about it.

     I am confused about what to do.

     I need help.  I don't know who to turn to.

     There is no where for me to go, except to hell.  I guess all of my enemies can laugh at me, and that will suck bad.

     Shit.  I am definitely fucked.

     I am starting to have knots in my stomach.  I can't write with this gnawing feeling.

     I guess I could find a job, but doing what?  Being a mindless laborer?  Living a life where I am a slave, depending on paycheck to paycheck?  An indentured servant?  That might be my fate.  How unfortunate.

     It is The Beginning of The End.  It is going to be a great story if I get myself out of this one, my friends.  I will write all about it if I can survive this one.

     Our Hero is currently in great peril, and it is very perilous.

     Reality has just done great damage to me.  At least thirty points of it.

     I am hanging on for dear life now.

     I am at the end of my rope.

     So, the mystery is...where is my goddamn check?  And why hasn't it been delivered?  Fuck, I have every right to be pissed.  This is my life here.

     I am not too happy with my bank right now.  Maybe I should go over there.

Snow in The Gutter

     I woke up at 6:30 a.m., and I was pondering on whether or not to go to the cafe, and get an early start for the day.  I got on the computer for a while, and then it was, "Yup, I'm going back to bed."
     I ended up having a dream about being at Cal State Northridge, and I had classes to get to, and I was going to be late. 
     Somehow, I ended up talking to some woman, and I was in her apartment.  I still had enough time to make it to class. 
     Then she was having a brunch party, and everybody was dressed nice except me.
     By now, it had passed the time where I could make it to class.
     "Why don't you wear a nice silk shirt?," the woman said to me.
     I ended up talking to her privately for quite a while.
     Her mom was at the party, and she was good looking, too, and then I didn't know if I was going out with the mother or the daughter.  In any case, I did not know either of their names, and I didn't know anybody at the party.
     I hung out for a while, and then for no reason at all, I didn't even have a shirt on while I sat on the couch.
     Then I had to prove to her that the two bikes locked up outside were mine.  I had to show her that I had the keys to the locks.  She didn't want me to steal the neighbor's bikes, so I was able to unlock the bikes so she would believe me.
     Then a recurring dream occurred where I was on this L.A. dream freeway.  All the lanes go into downtown L.A., but there is no way back except through the streets, which takes forever.  If you miss the off ramp you are screwed, and you have to backtrack.  This freeway has appeared in my dreams over the years.  It is a one-way freeway.  I don't know why it still shows up.  I haven't driven for fifteen years at least.
     So that is my fucked up dream.

     I often go back to bed if I know that I am going to dream.  It is like seeing a free movie inside your head.

     This dream was articulate and clear.  I watched the dialogue-heavy Babylon 5 last night, and I was watching videos of 'Star Wars: The Old Republic' which is trying to make it so you are in an epic science fiction t.v. show.  It is also very cinematic.  I don't know if it encapsulates good acting, though.  Most of the dialogue comes off as emotionless and flat in the Star Wars tradition.  The hand and body movements aren't bad, but they are in no way complete.

     Anyway, it's another fucked up start on a beautiful day.  For some reason there was snow in the gutter.

•      I have videos to post today.  I filmed a couple of new CWA videos.
•      The music is good and alive here in the cafe.
•      I don't know what anything means.
•      My brother was down about blogging because you have to make $100 with adsense before they pay you.  It used to be $10.  I guess it is easier for them that way with the bookkeeping.  It also must mean that there are enough people that actually produce content that gives $100 from time to time.  There are some popular people on the web, and they must be getting paid.  Some people actually do get paid sizable amounts.  To accomplish this, you have to be really popular.  You have to be a human being that people like.  No one wants stuff from a stick in the mud.  They want to be entertained.  They want it to be funny.  They want everything to be awesome and incredible, enough to blow them away.  The youtube audience expects a lot, that much is true.
•      A dream is what the mind does while the digestive system is working.  I've come to realize this as pretty much true.  Dreams are often correlated to the movement of material through the digestive track.  The twists and turns of a dream could be associated with shit moving through you.
•      I am somewhat awake today.
•      There have been days when I have gone to the cafe early, and I get my work done, but then I just end up crashing later, so I don't know what good it does me.  I do know that if I sleep well, and if I'm well-rested, that I write better.  When I am groggy, there isn't much point to writing, because it all comes out incomplete, disjointed, and awful.
•      Emptying your bowels often clears the mind, too.  I hate to write about this, or mention it, but it seems to be true.
•      The ramblings of a madman I don't think will do any good.
•      So, I immersed myself in TOR videos.  Some of them are very long.  I don't know if there is an in-game camera, or if people are filming off the flat-screen like I do.  The quality of the videos look really good and clear.  It is funny when you have a good narrator going through the game.  It is a skill.  Not everybody is as entertaining.  This guy last night was okay, but he didn't know enough Star Wars terminology.  That is what wookiepedia is for, so everybody can be up to date on all things regarding Star Wars.  There is a lot of material there.  So much so that it is impossible to read it all.  There are a lot of entries, and some of them are quite long.
•      Is the writing good on TOR?  Yeah, it is pretty good.  I don't know how they could do it better.   
•      Why are all the actor's voices so flat?  Does the recording studio situation flatten any emotion that could be had?  Are the characters defined enough?  Do the actors know their characters, or does it even matter?  Babylon 5 has that same methodical approach to acting.  Lots of words spoken in a very dry manner, as if everybody is really well-read, and is ready to go at any moment with a paragraph from the encyclopedia.  It doesn't always seem natural.  It is as if they have squeezed all the emotion juice from that orange.
•      My dream this morning reflected some of my current frustrations, I know this to be true.  I haven't been able to get it together recently, and I don't know how I will do it.
•      I have to read today.  There is no point in writing if you don't read.
•      I don't know how snow got in the gutter.  It was right in front of the market next door to my studio.  Maybe it fell out of a truck.  It was the icy kind of snow that would be there from yesterday, and froze during the night.  I know that kind of snow well.
•      I feel better after a trip to the restroom.  All kinds of thoughts rush into my head.  I am still writing but I'm away from the keyboard.
•      The Russian girl is not here today.  I had enough of her yesterday with her laughing and talking for hours.  I'm glad she is having a good time, and I hope she finds somewhere else to have it.
•      I played Clone Wars for a little while this morning as I woke up.  I just did a couple of things, and I was out of there.
•      I was on Free Realms before I came to the cafe.  I wanted to see what was going on.  There was an upload since I haven't played for a while.  Anyway, I did my collection thing in the swamp, looking for items.  I found some ancient plates.  Then I went to Snowhill, and got my presents.  The game has its charm, that is for sure.  It is definitely a fun place to be.  The movements are fluid.  It is a great game for kids to run around in.  It is not an easy game, either.  Some of the things are really challenging, even for an experienced adult gamer.  Finding coins is not always easy to physically get your character to a coin is impossible unless you jump exactly right.  Sometimes you have to try over and over again.  Anyway, I put my new Snow Lodge chairs in my guild house, one inside, and one on the porch.  They are nice chairs.
•      Free Realms is one of the few games that has toilet imagery.  In all other games, I don't know how anybody goes to the bathroom.  They eat but they don't shit or piss.  Sims does deal with the bathroom issue, and they do it in a cute way, and it doesn't offend anybody.  It is just normal.
•      'All in The Family' is one of the pioneering television shows to feature the sound of a toilet.  People considered it hilarious at the time.  They had never seen anything like it on t.v. before.
•      T.V. characters do fuck, but there is only so much they can show.  They can imply that it happens, but that is about it.
•      My favorite story in Hollywood is for a sex scene, some actress insisted that the guy actually fuck her so it would be real and not fake.  It is a good way to get laid.  Of course, you never would know that it was real or fake.  I don't know what actress it was, but I would say that is a great demonstration of method acting.
•      Tom Cruise has a new Mission: Impossible movie coming out.  It is hard for me to care.
•      WHAT?  I have to wait a year for 'THE HOBBIT An Unexpected Journey' to come out?  Fuck.  I don't even want to think about it until it actually comes out.  Based on people's reactions on youtube to the trailer, a lot of people don't know that The Hobbit will be two films.  All I know is that I am glad Peter Jackson is involved.
•      King Kong is supposed to metaphorically represent the black man's plight of slavery.  If it ain't about that, it is just a movie about a monkey.  The original implies that better than the Peter Jackson version.  I stopped caring at some point during that movie.  Perhaps it was the scene where Jack Black was running away from dinosaurs carrying a movie camera.  It didn't look like he was in the same jungle as the dinosaurs.  It didn't look real.  Plus, there are only so many falls and physical injuries a character can sustain before it starts to become a fantasy.  People get injured so much in Babylon 5, I don't know how in hell they are walking around as if nothing happened five minutes later.  What, do they regeneration powers?
•      In order to make money with adsense, well, you have to get a million hits a month on your blogs, and millions on youtube.  Then there is a chance.  If you aren't popular, you are fucked.  So the only thing to do is to become popular.  It is the only way.
•      Damn, my first cup of coffee is almost done.  Fuck.  It goes fast.
•      I have to figure out a way to make a living.
•      I need a phone.
•      I am in great need, and I will be in great distress unless I get some money coming in.  My extended vacation is over, sadly.
•      Fuck, I don't know what I will do.
•      What I would like to do is be a writer and an artist.  That would be rad.
•      I will celebrate myself all over the web, and make people like me, or die trying.  That means I have to be cool, and do cool stuff, and be able to relate to people.  That is not easy at all.
•      Man, I could use a good soak in a tub.
•      The Russian girl walked by the cafe while I was out there smoking.  I was relieved she didn't come into the cafe today.  I can't stand her dopey smile.
•      Well, I guess that is all for now.  I have to figure out what else to do.
•      I don't know why I didn't take a picture of the snow in the gutter.  What was I thinking?  I was so surprised, I didn't think about it, even though I had my camera on me.  Fuck.

Competitive

     Fuck, it gets so frustrating writing on these other blogs where I have to restrain and control myself from using foul and dirty language, that I like to come here where I can wig out a little.
     Shit, it is already three o'clock.  The day is half done, and it sucks.  I'm still just getting my day started.
     I guess being a writer for Lucas Arts would pay the bills, and all you would have to do is just work with words.
     I'm a jack of all trades, and I could never be a professional writer.  I just have to be happy with the skills I have, because I don't think I am going to get better anytime soon.  I have to read more to make that happen.
     I bought a beer last night that I haven't finished yet, and that sounds that would be a good thing to drink when I get home.
     God damn do I have a lot of work to do.
     The language on this blog is nothing different than what a teenager would say.  That is where I learned how to talk dirty was in junior high and high school.  Bukowski was the first person I came across where you could actually get away with writing dirty and making it literary at the same time.
     A lot of writers in porn magazines are awful.  It is just hack work, kind of what I am doing here.
     Anyway, the Russian chick is here, gabbing for hours.  Now I am sad she ever found out about this cafe.  Now I have to listen to her all day long.  It is most unfortunate.
     The Old Republic is a huge, world-wide global phenomenon.  Even though it cost $135 million to produce, I think they will recoup their costs.  It is the most expensive video game ever produced.
     I just came up an idea for a story in 'Space Journey Battles' called "Losers in Space".  Haha, I love it. 
     Reading about TOR has just fueled my interest in creating SJB more than ever.  I'll just parody the whole goddamn thing.  Of course, the task is epic, but I got nothing but time.

     Well, it is going to be back to the old drawing board pretty soon.  I have a lot of work to do, actually.  It is actually over-whelming at this point.  The only way to begin is at the beginning, and start the whole mess all over again.  It's going to suck, but I have to do it.

     Damn, I need some funding.  That's just the thing, too.  I don't want to spend my whole creative life working on other people's shit, I want to do my own shit.  There ain't any money in that, though.  Pity.

     Fuck.

     Anyway, it is getting time to go.  I've already had two coffees here.

     Cool, I just made a 'Cartoon of The Day' and I put it up on the wall.

     Time to go.  The Russian girl is laughing, and it drives me nuts.

     One more thing...it gets really competitive looking for spheres, holos, and beacons in CWA now.

     Anyway, splitsville, I really gotta go.

Local Christian Girls

  Basically she looks like a slut, but there happens to be a stupid Jesus fish, which really looks more like a vagina than it does a fish.

     I really became resentful when on facebook these 'christian mingle' ads flooded in for months.  It pissed me off so much, I started taking pictures of these ads.  Now I just want to get rid of them all and banish them to the recycle bin.  In computer terms, that is like in Superman, where bad people are banished to The Phantom Zone.

It looks like this girl is more ready to party on a Saturday night than she is inclined to go to church on Sunday.

"You, too, can date a Christian girl with dyed blonde hair!"

 Apparently, some Christian girls look like super models.

This girl really needs a man right away, and it might be you!  She might even be lonely enough so that she might want pre-marital sex!  Cool, huh?

    This ad looks like it is from the same company.  So, if Christian girls aren't working out, maybe you can go out with this woman who looks 22 and has air-brushed enhanced tits?  I've looked at this photo closely, it is a complete fake.  There is no way she would be that young, and have her torso be that skinny, and have breasts that big.  It's just not possible, except in rare exceptions, and I highly doubt this photo is natural.  It is manipulated, just like what they are trying to do to you, the viewer.

     What pisses me off about these ads, unlike other things on facebook, is you can't comment on them.  You are just assaulted with these fake and bogus ads.

I actually did see a girl twirl her hair today.  This action always looks to me like a lack of mental activity.

Maybe this one is more of the girl next door, and maybe she wants to do it.  You never know.
  

Here is the waif girl.

She looks like a run away, and she might give you a blow job in the front seat of your Ford pick up truck.

  Or you can date this cougar who looks about age 20, and has a lot of make-up on.
 

   Here is the nerd girl who will play World of Warcraft with you, and maybe later you can doggy style her...and she is a Christian, too.  Yeah, right.

   Is she a prostitute from Holland or a Local Christian Girl?

   Well, here is the cure for all these girls....

   BLACK SABBATH.

   Here is what I think of Local Christian Girls.

  Go crucify yourself topless on a cross, I could care less.

Women on a Couch

     Well, here is a reproduction of a painting by Modigliani of a nude woman on a couch.  Sweet, huh?  Kind of innocent and tender?  She does look like she is gazing back at the male viewer, and is posed on the couch in such a way as to indicate she is ready to be seduced.
     Okay, does anybody see anything wrong with this?  No, not really?  So, this is okay, and acceptable? 
     This painting has been shown in public galleries and museums.
     Okay, so no big deal..
    
     Well, what about this image?

   
     It's pretty much the same thing.  Is it porn?  I don't think so.  It doesn't really show any thing except a butt on a body of a beautiful woman.
 
     Well, how about this one?

     When does an image become porn?  Some people think that all three images are porn.  I know people like that.  I also know people who don't think anything immoral about these photos at all.
     In all three cases, it pretty much looks like the model has agreed to be there, and has also agreed to be painted or photographed.
   

       This one would be considered more of a porn photo, but it is also a vintage photo, and has historical value.
       It's good to know women back then weren't all a bunch of stuffy prudes, like they would have us believe.

     This one is pretty innocent, but she has a 'come hither' look on her, indicating to the viewer that she wants the person to come over and be close to her in more ways than one.

          Some would think this is porn, but this is a painting by Courbet called 'The Origin of The World' painted around 1850.
 

          Yup, she is pretty naked there, but it isn't even necessarily all that sexual of a picture.

          This picture is kind of sexual with the way her legs are, and the fact that she has high heels on indicates she wants some action.  In other words, she isn't there to just take a nap.

  

Here is a picture of what can happen later, after the woman is on the couch.

   Here is two women.  The person who took this picture was probably a man, so, there is still a guy involved in this image. 
   I'm a guy, and I'm assembling and writing this blog.
   Also, I would guess that most of the people who will some day look at this blog entry will also be male.
   I have found over the years that a lot of women like to look at pictures of women, too.

   There is nothing really wrong with any of these pictures, except that they should be kept away from people under 18.
    I lived in Utah, and I knew underage guys looking  porn in while they were in grade school and junior high.  I don't know how they got it since it was pretty much a Mormon community.
   So basically, if a person under 18 really wants to look at porn, they can easily.  It's all over the web.

   Yet, all these images were incredibly taboo for me to look at, and they were forbidden.  It was considered non-Christian.
   They didn't even have magazines when Christ was around, much less porn.
    I've read The Bible, and Christ never told anyone not to look at porn.

      A woman giving a blowjob...is that wrong?  Should it be photographed?  Well, almost all men want blowjobs, and a lot of women like to give them and make their man happy, or, they just like it.  Some women like the feeling of a dick in their mouth.

     Here is a good couch picture.  Pretty cute, huh?  This one looks like she is in hotel.

  This raven looks like she is ready.

   This woman looks like she doesn't need help from anybody else.

So what do you think?  What I think is after you look at enough pictures of bodies, you begin to see that they are just bodies, and that people are beautiful.  It's actually the clothes that can often sexualize the figure, and also indicate how much money is involved. 
     The girl on the beach just looks happy and relaxed, in tune with nature.

     Enjoy the human spirit for what it is.