Walt Whitman, the poet, he wrote 'Song of Myself'. He had to be his own biggest fan, because no else would. He ended up making a significant literary contribution. I don't think many people read him these days, besides people in college. I haven't seen anyone carrying around a Walt Whitman book in some time. I think the last person I saw carrying around a book by Walt Whitman was me, and that was over ten years ago.
I had a good yoga class. I was two minutes late, so I ended up being in the front of the class. The word of the day was 'integrated'.
I was pre-occupied a little. With four brothers and two sisters, I have a lot of minds I have to sift through.
My EverQuest character died last night, and it was a brutal death. No other game makes my heart sink more than when I die during an EQ battle.
If you star in a television show that is popular, you can make a lot of money. If you are owner of the show, you can make more. I wouldn't mind owning a television show, and collecting royalty checks when it goes into syndication.
I don't know exactly what day my art show is. It is coming up. I still have a lot of work to do for it. I don't know if working on the art will help or not. I am expecting zero sales. No one I know has money to buy art.
I haven't made any yoga art. I haven't had any yoga models.
I am glad I can take yoga classes, and participate in a daily group exercise class. It's good for me to be a part of the human race in some capacity. The women are pretty cute, but I try not to stare or look. Sometimes it is a challenge, like the other day when a very attractive woman was bending over right in front of me as she was setting up. At times like that, I just try and relax and breathe deeply.
I've never gotten an erection during class, but there have been times when I feel little pulses, and then I have to think about something else. Not good to go into Mountain Pose standing there with a signpost pointing due north...haha.
This blog is not really for my family. I hope they never look at it. This isn't really for them. It is more for me. I already have to make clean rated G type videos once in a while just so I can show my brothers at least some of my work. My two sisters don't seem to show much interest in what I am doing, they are into their own stuff. That's okay.
I saw a beautiful blonde woman in a grey office skirt right after class. I wanted to photograph her walking with her blonde friend who was also nice looking, but I resisted. I can't photograph every woman I see, though I would like to.
I would like to draw people while in yoga class once in a while, but I guess it is better to participate. I'm an artist, though, and it is no problem for me to spend an hour drawing people. I'd probably end up drawing all the women's asses.
I gave my blog address to one of my former yoga teachers that I see at the cafe once in a while. I don't know if that was a mistake. If she reads any entry of mine, I'm sure she will see how 'non-yoga' my mind is. I've read a lot of Robert Crumb comic books, and I have no plans anytime soon of changing the way I think. I like women, and I lust after them and admire them all day long. They are beautiful and the sight of them makes me feel alive, so fuck it.
I don't think I'll ever get married. I like too many women. I think I've pretty much decided that I want to have sex with as many different women as I can while I am alive, as often as possible. The truth of the matter is that I haven't been on too many dates lately. I'm busy, I got things to do, and art to make, and I haven't had too many women interested in me anyhow, so fuck that, too.
I could write a whole blog entry about masturbation. Haha. I could probably devote a whole blog site to 'The Joys of Masturbation', and write a journal entry for every time I do it, and show the girl I got off on...haha. I'm sure I'd have at least three-hundred entries a year. Some days I just forget to do it. Other days, I just need a release, or to chemically change my mind, or to relieve stress, or so that I can sleep. Any number of reasons. I don't think anything is wrong with it. Everybody does it, whether they admit it or not.
Back to marriage, it wouldn't really benefit me. The day I get married would be the beginning of the countdown towards divorce. I could never provide enough financial support for a woman, I'm barely scraping by myself, so marriage is just out of the question. Besides, you have to be dating someone before you can ever marry them.
There always comes a day in the relationship where it suddenly isn't fun anymore. The chemical of 'the love blindness' wears off. If two people really love each other, a marriage can last a lifetime. I believe that. My problem is that I like to be alone a lot, so I am no fun for anyone else. At least I am honest. I have enough problems that I have to deal with, and I can't be bothered with anniversaries and holidays and visiting in-laws. Doesn't sound like any fun for me. The main reason to get married is if you want to have kids. I don't want to have kids. I am the kid. I am the kid I want, and I just want to have fun. I've been a kid for forty-three years, and it is pretty fun.
Most women want to mate with a taller, richer, more successful man, anyhow.
I'm usually the fall-back guy, when a woman breaks up with someone, I'm always available with no kiss and tell. I think relationships should be private. It's no one else's business.
People in The U.S. of A. like to get into other people's business, though. I guess they have nothing better to do.
I feel better now.
Weird writing a blog. Putting all of my personal, private thoughts for anyone who cares to read it. When I am writing in my sketchbook, I am always very protective of anyone even glancing at what I am writing or drawing. I don't like it when people look. It's an invasion of my privacy. I'm not there to entertain anyone, I'm just minding my own business.
Here I don't give a fuck. I doubt anyone reads this blog any how, or ever will.
Here's photo I found on the web from some 'stock-photo' site. What I do is use 'non-flash' on my camera, and then take the picture so that the logo or text of the photo is not included. It is a photograph of a photograph.
As an artist, I'm glad I found a nude of this pose. It is hard to see how the muscles on the body work when in athletic poses if clothes are in the way all the time.
This model does have a pretty cute butt, however.
As an artist, when I draw from an actual model or a photograph, I always need multiple views to get understanding of the form. The human body operates in three-dimensional space, and when an artist draws a human form on a two-dimensional surface, the third dimension must be implied and recognized, or else everything looks flat. Also, the viewers of art are disappointed if the artist does not have a comprehension of the third-dimension and does not express that understanding. Some people like flat comic book characters, and cartoons, so you never know sometimes, but real art has to have intelligence.
I'm sure you've seen 'Blade Runner' with the focusing in of details on the photo. Here the photo begins to be pixelated, but when I'm drawing this figure from a photo, I need to see how the shadows work over the form. Yes, real models are better, but even a real model couldn't hold this pose for more than twenty seconds. This is a very difficult pose requiring years of training to achieve. Even with the close-up on this photo, it is still not easy to see how the muscles of the back are working together.
One of the most difficult things to do in figure drawing is to get the size of the head in correct proportion to the body. I always fuck up on that. How big the head can indicate how tall the figure is. Proportions in comic books are exaggerated, making the head smaller to increase the heroic stature of the super-heroes until they look pretty ridiculous.
Superheroes these days the way they are drawn are pretty much nude with their costume painted on, but no anatomical features are shown. Men are often drawn with indication of nipples, but women are not, because...comic books are for kids. To me, this all makes it a little gay. I come from the days when Captain Kirk was fucking everything in the galaxy, haha.
Anyway, it is a great photo just to show what the ass looks like while in this pose. Comic book artists should take note. They often don't use models, and make up the figures out of their head, and everybody looks fucked up in these impossible poses. This photo shows what is really happening.
The artist always has to make choices.
I'd like to get a model, and with my knowledge of ballet, modern dance, and yoga, get her to pose in every position, and photograph each pose. I would also photograph feet and hands, facial expressions. From one person, with my digital camera, I'm sure I could get three-hundred photos easy in an hour or two. That would be enough to capture the essence of a person. One or two photographs of anybody doesn't really do them justice.
There is the fourth dimension of 'time'.
Many photos can look like the person, but not really be that person.
Artists get into trouble when everyone they draw looks pretty much like a self-portrait. Artists have to be very giving to break out of their own conceptions, and to capture the essence of another human being. It is not easy.
There is always this look to people I draw, and I usually have to redraw things a second or third time to make them look more like them.
Vision changes during the course of a drawing. Lighting can change, and the facial expression of the model can change, as it settles into the pose. The mood in the room can change.
I've been thinking how a drawing can be a version of 'time-lapse' photography. The piece of paper serves as 'a photographic plate' by which the memory jots down the impressions of the dance of light and shade that makes up the form.
There is another thing, too. Are you drawing a body in space, or a spirit-soul? Both? Humans are more than their bodies.
Looking at this photo, I know nothing of this person. Even unclothed, I know nothing of her except her physical history of movement is recorded in her muscles.
That is some ass, yes it is. I would like to get my hands on that, but that is impossible. With drawing or painting this picture, I could begin to feel what her form must feel like. It is the next best thing to being with her.
The artist gets to know people in different ways, though. The artist gets to experience not only what it feels to be with that person, but what it feels like to be them.
Some kind of transposition should take place.
The way I would paint the background would be less mechanical than this photograph.
The camera records, but often does not interpret.
The camera only has one eye. that is the problem, too.
Three-dimensional figures in video games are becoming amazing and stunning to look at. Even in EverQuest, I turn that game on, and I am just stunned. These game designers know what they are doing.
This is a pretty amazing figure.
Here is Bauvy, my main.
Here is her butt. Not bad, but this is an older model design.
The dream is to have actual perfect 3-D representations of humans, with everything anatomically correct, and functioning in 3-D game space. They have porn games where people can walk around naked, and copulate, but I don't know if those games would be fun after five minutes. It's all getting better, though.
I still like EverQuest, I've been playing again. It is a rad game, and is still challenging. They have very good players on that game, who have been there a long time, and they are always friendly and helpful. Plus, they hate World of Warcraft, so that is good.
I like being in fantasy world games. It is fun.
Why do artists draw and paint women? Well, one answer is no one likes to look at a naked guy. Well, some people do. Even women like to look at women, whether they admit it or not. Women don't like porn, but they look at it when they come over to my place. They don't keep the stuff at home, but they look at the stuff at a guy's place if they have it around. It is fascinating,...for about five minutes. The problem with porn is there is too much light in the photos, and you can't really see the form. It's all flat. They don't know how to light the set. It all becomes very graphic in the sense that it is mathematical, and not artistic. Then they have crappy text in porn magazines, written by some dickhead on a computer pretending to be a woman, or writing what he thinks men want to read when they are looking at female bodies in heat. It's mostly a turn-off, and makes the reader feel stupid, since the text is so in the way and obnoxious. It cheapens the sexual experience. The porn industry has a long way to go instead of all this fake and phony shit, but, a lot of porn is produced in L.A. so what do you expect? A lot of women participate in porn for the money, but then their lives get a little dull, and they want out of the industry. The money is usually good while they are in it.
I've never done porn. I wonder what it would be like to fuck on camera? It would probably be annoying, as you are trying to do your business, and no one wants to see the guy. Men should wear masks in porn movies, who cares about them? Then they always have the executive producer of the movie fuck the actress for a scene, some guy in his fifties with a gold chain on...haha. Then the camera man wants a shot, too, so everybody can get into the act. Just how it goes in the porn world. Lots of porn stuff happens in San Francisco, too. Big business here.
Anyway, there are my thoughts on the body at this time. I don't have an editor, and I just write what comes to mind.
Even after everything I wrote, there were still some 'self-edits' that took place. I try not to involve other people besides myself on this blog, keeping it more to my thoughts, and my perceptions. To be honest, yoga women are hot, and there is nothing I can do about it, so it is frustrating. Then I walk outside, and there are hot women, too. They are everywhere, don't you love it? So that is why I can't get married, you know? Why would I do that? Why would I even get into a relationship? There is no point for me, because I want it all. I would rather have nothing, and suffer. There's kind of a joy in that, too. My mind is an orgy of everything. Even non-sexual things become sexual. That's what life is about, when there is life everywhere, and death is forgotten.
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