It's like a confessional. All I know is I am glad that I am not a Mormon anymore. They told me that I could not ever be as happy without The Church as I would be in it, and you know what? That just wasn't true. Since I left The Church, my happiness actually seemed to increase.
So there you go.
Now I think that the whole Mormon church is just some made-up thing, that they make money off of, so it is good to keep Mormons in their fishbowl. Not good for them to see what is on the other side. Good to keep them in control and in check.
For me, I just got exhausted with thinking that god was watching and keeping track of everything I did as if it mattered. Now I know it was all just inside my head.
It wasn't easy to de-program myself. It took a long time. I still have a lot of basic Mormon programming inside me, but at least I recognize it for what it is now.
A lot of artists come from religious backgrounds. The art is a way to sort things out that you don't want anymore. So, it turned out that art saved me. Rock and roll music saved me to some degree, too.
I feel fine about Jesus, he seems cool, but I just don't want to be a sportscentric military right wing nut with a hankering for all things Disney like a lot of Mormons. Kind of makes me sick when I think about all the things I would be if I went to L.D.S. Church every Sunday. Ugh.
I just want to live my life at this point.
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