I just got back from the cafe, working on my drawings. I am happy how they are coming along.
Nice to just work with a pencil and eraser. The art making process is reduced to the absolute minimum. From there, a lot of creativity can happen. However, drawing is really hard, and requires concentration of the highest order.
Drawing and painting on a huge easel, where you are standing, and working with charcoal and paint is amazing to do, but I am not exactly set up for that. I am starting to think about using other spaces that are available to me. They are temporary situations. I have to clean up after I am done, I prefer to be able to leave things around, but that is okay for this. I will go in there, make my art, draw a picture or paint, document it with a photo, and get out of there. It is the only way for me to work large at this point. My current studio is filled to the brim.
It would be really nice if what I did mattered. That would be really nice. It's been a struggle to get anyone to care about my work, even with my own family, but they are coming around little by little. They are beginning to see that I do a lot of work, and maybe they shouldn't take that for granted anymore. So, once I convince my family that I am an artist, maybe I can convince others, which is another uphill journey.
Youtube has been pleasant for me, making videos, and getting responses. Just the fact that people can see my work finally makes it feel that I am not working in a complete vacuum separate from humanity.
I am getting hits. Nice.
Now the problem is to get paid.
Well, that is a problem.
I have an overhead. My studio costs $350 a month. Manageable, but I have other expenses like transportation, and food.
The idea from long ago was to make paintings and sell them. How romantic of me.
Since that didn't work, I've taken on a variety of part-time jobs over the years, usually at minimum wage. This allows me to make my art, and work on my stuff without getting too absorbed into a job, which in my case, just eats away at my soul.
So, I have to produce something that makes money. Eeeek. Or get a real job. Or....provide a service to people, and have clients. Or....I don't know.
I just want to have a good day, a nice and pleasant one, but then, here comes a practicing electrical guitarist next door. Just hideous is his talent, as are most of the musicians down in my studio area. I've documented samples of their playing and have put it on youtube, but I don't know what good that does, except to show how much they make me suffer, haha. They seem to do a lot of experimentation without knowing a whole lot about music. The theme seems to be with bands down here is 'discord'. They also lack the talent to just play with pure energy and simple driving chords like a punk band. It is all some kind of low-brow alternative mess they are trying to create. I've seen a lot of good musicians down in The Mission area, and the people in this building are not it. I am glad they have a hobby to keep themselves busy, but unfortunately, I have to listen to it. Hey, sometimes it is good, the noise keeps me awake and working, but I just wish I could really jam out to what they are playing. They are not very skilled with their instruments, and after a couple of years, I have heard little improvement, which is a testament to the fact that they are not growing as musicians too well. It's all the same old crap they are playing even now. I feel bad for them, and even worse for me.
Anyway, I am enjoying writing this blog. It doesn't matter to me much if people read it now or years later. Part of the function of this blog is to document what I do. I wrote in notebooks and typed my little heart out for twenty years, and no one has ever really seen that material, and they never will, as a lot of it is lost.
The meaning of the age I live in is not lost on me. Artists used to write journals that no one would see until after the artist died. I can write a blog and have it available instantly. Wow.
I can also make a drawing, photograph it with my digital camera, and post it right away. The trick at that point is to get people to look, but I've found that people do in their own time, just like I do with other people's stuff. It takes time, people have lives. It is a game of patience. But yeah, in the meantime, I need to get paid. I can't afford to sit around and wait for people, I have to get out there and do it.
All I want to do is be an artist. I need some patrons or a legitimate job or something. Or some commission work, which is not my favorite thing.
There is a will, so there is a way. All I have to do is find it.
Time to make a new path.
Anyway, here are some drawings I did today.
I like the idea of being a musician, but I figure I should leave that to people who are really good at it. I listen to music when I work, so I experience it that way. I would rather sit and draw.
In the end, with exhibiting work, it is all about how good a party you can throw, whether you are a musician or an artist.
The musician sells tickets, and it is my job to sell paintings. Most people I know don't have hundreds of dollars to spend on my artwork, so I guess I'll have to find some clients that can. After all, I want to live.
Thanks for reading this blog, I appreciate every hit.
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