have really been a blogging madman in the last day.
have to see if I have jury duty tomorrow, but I have time to check that later.
have to pee.
got my coffee.
got the whole day ahead.
did a little poetry trick I got from a book once where you start all sentences with a word of your choice, then scratch them all out, or in this case delete them, and then you have a poem. It is easy. It is possible to write lots of poems that way.
Anyway, the word that I deleted was ' I '.
saw some cute girls and women while sitting outside of the cafe. It was a real fashion show today, with some marvelous examples of feminine beauty that stood out.
Some other chick gave me a real skeptical look from the corner of her eye while swishing her closed mouth to one side. I guess I'm not a person that inspires a lot of confidence. She was probably wondering where I got the expensive leather jacket, and why I got to sit outside writing and not working a job like most people. Or maybe she did not approve that I was smoking, who knows? She was kind of cute, though, but she was one of those women who didn't want a thing to do with me, based on my appearance.
can't say I blame her.
like to write.
enjoy the process.
It doesn't matter what I write, I just like creating words.
don't care about the order, the words keep me busy and occupied.
could give a fuck.
No one cares what I do anyway, that is my general life-long feeling.
No one expects anything good from me, that is also a feeling.
It is always fun to surprise people at times, when I exceed their expectations of me.
don't know what I am, but I like to create. It is part of life.
can not live without creating.
Life would be no fun.
want to have fun all the time.
have not seen a good movie for a while.
don't like to go to movies anymore.
don't feel like sitting through a half hour of commercials just to see an over-produced crappy film with a purpose of product placement inside the movie to make me want to buy stuff that I don't need or want.
like women and girls, but they don't pay much attention to me.
don't blame them.
am only 5'7" and they like taller men, when they like men at all.
can see why women in this town go out with other women. More fun for them. Foreplay is not sex, but maybe that is what they like.
Why should I care?
don't know.
Here I removed the ' I ', but wrote other sentences as normal.
still have to pee.
like Bukowski.
want to read all the Bukowski books.
My first online character is named after Bukowski.
She is a half-elf rogue named 'Bauvyenaya Bukowski'.
Bauvy for short.
Bauvy is the name of my twitter page.
Twitter is kind of gay because it is all about meaningless chatter, but I can see how it can be useful at times.
It sounds gay when Howard Stern talks about 'tweeting'.
hahaha.
Howard used to watch Beverly Hills 90210, which I thought was a little gay.
He likes shows about young people, though.
I did not need to watch that show.
was living in L.A. at the time, and I didn't need to watch a show about kids in Beverly Hills.
am untalented, and that is a shame.
Oh well, nothing I can do about it.
My English teacher would go over my writing papers, and maybe write one word, or make a checkmark, that I had done the assignment.
don't know if that helped me.
can do this all day.
like to write.
It is fun.
It is hard to imagine that anyone will read this blog entry.
Why should they?
don't know.
Bukowski made a living eventually with his writing and with personal appearances.
That would be cool if I could do that someday.
would like to.
have to get some good writing pieces together.
The idea was to have an art portfolio and a writing portfolio.
have not been able to get either together recently.
put up lots of shit on the web.
That is fun.
like to have fun.
One time I told a woman friend that I was having fun, and she thought I was having sex with someone at that moment, and that the woman was upstairs.
can not figure it all out.
No need to.
It doesn't matter.
wonder if I can make myself read all this trite garbage.
made it through all the words above. I made one correction, capitalizing a letter 's'.
don't know if changing sentences or words or adding on new sentences adds or clarifies the piece at this point.
am not my own editor.
need an editor.
can edit myself, but that takes time, and perspective.
It is good to wait a week or even longer before you edit a piece so you can see with clear eyes what the fuck you were trying to do.
don't like my oldest brother, never did now that I think about it.
God knows I tried.
don't believe anymore that there is a real god, but I believe in the 'imagined' one.
God is a fictional character to me at this point, and that is fine.
It does not matter what I believe, it does not affect anyone.
am not going to believe something just to make someone else happy.
don't want to go to church, and be mislead.
am enjoying myself today.
washed off a sprig of broccoli and a potato, and put them in my soup pot to cook.
love soup.
can eat soup every day, no problem.
like vegetables.
ate two dollar salads from McDonald's yesterday, along with two McChicken sandwiches. That is what I get when I go there, but I usually get three McChicken sandwiches.
like to treat myself once in a while on days when I have the drudgery of errands to contend with.
want to hear more Norm McDonald.
like the tone of his voice, and his approach.
The beer bottle that I have sitting there on the floor I have not touched for days, maybe even a week, I am not sure.
I don't drink as much as I used to when I was a doorman at a bar.
Things have changed.
I was never big on alcohol anyway, so it easy to revert to my old ways, which is better.
Sometimes, booze can help you get laid, but sometimes, most of the times, it doesn't.
Being clean and sober doesn't seem to get me laid, either, haha.
Nothing seems to get me laid.
wonder how long I can make this blog?
just looked at what I wrote, it really isn't that much, but I do wonder how long I can go on for.
used to write ten to twenty pages a day, a lot of good that did me, those pages are gone. However, the experience of writing is under my belt, so that is something.
A good way to learn how to write is to actually hand-write sentences from books to get the feeling for the prose.
Here is a random sentence from Robert E. Howard, creator of Conan The Barbarian.
Creeping down the rocks Balthus felt his flesh crawl between his shoulders as he momentarily expected a withering blast of arrows from the green masses about them.
recently retrained my typing fingers on Clone Wars Adventures with their game 'Star Typer'.
am not kidding.
was able to write that Conan sentence without looking at the keyboard, just like I used to do in typing class in junior high.
Words, words, words.
have to check on the soup soon.
A drummer is practicing. He sucks. He doesn't quite sound like what a good drummer sounds to me. He doesn't do what good drummers do, which is mostly keeping time.
Everyone wants to be Kieth Moon when they become a drummer.
Guitarists and singers get more chicks than drummers, because when the going is good after a show, the singer and guitarist can just take off with their chicks, but the drummer has to put his drum kit away, and make sure it is all done properly.
Bands sound like shit when they don't have a good drummer. It effects the entire band. Same goes for the bassist. If drums and bass sound like shit, the band will suck. If the guitarist isn't that good, the band will sound pretty lame. If the singer can't hit the notes, and doesn't have good songs to sing, the band will suck, too.
just described the band next door to me.
hahaha.
'jajaja' is how Argentinians spell 'hahaha'.
Michael Jackson was sexually interested in teen-aged boys. That is a creep fest right there.
Michael Jackson sounded distant and avoiding real communication in a Barbara Walters interview I heard a snippet of recently.
Maybe Michael was hiding something.
Howard Stern tried to talk to Michael Jackson like a regular guy when they met for a meeting once, but Michael gave these kind of short, distant answers.
I don't think Michael was connected too well with reality after a certain point, instead focusing on fantasy.
Michael was into wearing the pseudo-military garb that made him look kind of like an anime character.
Did Michael Jackson have a childhood? He claimed his was robbed from him. Was that the reason he wanted young boys to put their mouths on him? Michael was fucked up.
Michael Jackson did avoid having to go to prison for his interactions with under-age boys.
Being around regular and real people all the time is good for a person.
That is why I like to go to the cafe everyday, just to hang out with normal, every day people, and to be a part of that group.
like participating in yoga classes for similar reasons.
It is exercising, but it is also being around healthy people.
smoke, and I like to drink. It is fun.
It is fun being skinny and not fat.
am medium.
have a stocky build.
am thick.
will never be a yoga person.
don't want it.
want to be an artist.
don't want to teach.
don't see why I have to fall into that.
want to create.
don't want to be a cop, though they make good money. It is not my bag.
am not suited to be a cop.
It is not in my psychology.
Cops have to understand the criminal mind.
just want to paint.
have to check my soup.
wonder if anyone will read this?
wonder what a mental health professional would think of all this?
like to write.
Writing is fun and enjoyable.
like online games.
can smell my soup from here.
have a Dean Koontz book.
legitimately tried to read it twice, but I could not make it through the first ten pages.
thought the prose sucked, and what the characters said were very generic and bland.
don't like Dean Koontz.
Then I read Stephen King, and I feel more of a sense of magic, as I get sucked into his world and transported outside of myself, which is always enjoyable.
God Bless Stephen King, he is the real thing.
don't believe in god, but I believe that when I read a Stephen King book, that I will be entertained.
like what Stephen King said that to be a writer, "You got to read a lot, and you got to write a lot."
That is the formula for writing, boiled down.
1. Read a lot.
2. Write a lot.
That is it. Proceed.
It is easy, give it a try.
To make something that someone else wants to read, well, that is another story, but writers have to obey those two rules, or else they will suck. Thinking about writing does not put words on the page, or dinner on the table. Only writing does, and, getting healthy paychecks from publishers. That indeed helps.
would not mind getting a paycheck.
All I have to do is earn $9.33 cents on this blog before Google's AdSense program will actually send me a ten dollar check.
It will be my first paid writing gig at age 43.
can't wait.
Just like on youtube where I cranked out 800 videos, I will crank out 800 blog entries.
Who cares?
do.
want to put dinner on the table, wouldn't you?
It's my first real opportunity to be a writer, so I may as well take advantage of it.
want to be a writer.
love writing.
Of course, being a writer requires comprehension, planning, and not just throwing a bunch of shit on the page and hoping something will stick.
The Bon is my fictional name for my oldest brother.
don't know the difference between fiction and reality.
suppose he would sue me if he could.
My mother's name was Susan.
She did not like be called 'Sue'.
She did not like it when I called her by her first name.
It took away her authority, and she did not like it one bit.
did it just because I knew it would upset her, but it was also an equalizing process.
She happened to be someone who gave birth to me, and then pretty much didn't pay that much attention to me.
It was as if she thought all she had to do was give birth, change diapers, do the menial things to take care of a baby, and that was it.
was all on my own after a certain point.
Not a lot of food on the table during my teen-age years.
was really hungry a lot of times.
That sucked ass.
guess I could write some real stories eventually.
am not good at writing stories, never have been.
enjoy sequences in comic book form, though.
It helps me to visually see scenes, and write dialogue.
Sometimes making comics is a chore, though.
So, sometimes I get into text mode, sometimes half-text and part-comic, sometimes comic book mode, and then sometimes, 'no words whatsoever' when I go into 'pure visual art mode'.
Being a painter sometimes is like being a dog.
It is that world.
am a dog, a mixed breed of sorts.
Artie Lang is a New Jersey commoner who happens to be funny once in a while, but he has a history of heroin, cocaine, alcohol, excessive food and drink, and I hope he is doing well.
did listen to a lot of Artie stuff recently from the Stern show.
Artie did good, and was a good replacement for Jackie for a while.
Artie throwing stuff in the studio was not cool, though.
Artie, Artie, Artie.
Is that enough for this blog entry? Not sure. How about a commercial break? How about just keep going?
have EverQuest to play.
want to play.
have lots of games to play.
have an art show coming up, but have not painted in a day.
had better get on it.
No one cares about my art or painting, either.
Damn.
thought I had it all.
wish I hadn't lost a lot of my art work, but where would I have put it?
am up to my neck in art in my studio right now.
like what my younger brother said that, "People Go Where They Are Loved".
People seem to like me on Clone Wars Adventures.
have lots of friends there.
The kids watch my Clone Wars videos on youtube, then add me as a friend when they see me online.
It is cute and endearing.
Time to stop this.
got things to do, but honestly, I can keep going.
can write about yoga girls, maybe later.
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